I'm supportive of whatever you decide Neecy! I do wonder if you should wait a day or two (possible cooling off period) before you take any steps like this to make sure that is what you really want to do. If you still feel the same way after a day or two, then that is probably the right decision for you I think. I know that at least for myself, I do tend to change my mind about stuff from day to day, go up and down, etc. and I usually regret anything impulsive I do (it tends to be anti-DB). As long as you take time and think about it then I think you will def. make the right decision and I am supportive of you always!!! Karen
I'm supportive of whatever you decide Neecy! I do wonder if you should wait a day or two (possible cooling off period) before you take any steps like this to make sure that is what you really want to do.
It is funny you say that Karen because I was thinking today that it is no wonder my H does not take me seriously because this is the 4th month in a row that something major happened and he is still here.
Jan 1 - bomb - drove around looking for ow house came home and H finally admitted to bing unfaithful with her. Set out boundaries, marriage counselling, no calling her(worked with her 44 hours a week), he closed his facebook account.
Feb 3 - catch him texting her, go to OW's house and confront her, H leaves and sleeps at his parents, let him come home the following night
March 3 - H admits she had contacted him on his day off - lay out boundaries regarding no contact - he says no - tell him it is this or nothing, call to get a lawyer consultation. H says he is leaving but never does.
April 1 - H again balks at boundaries, she is my friend I will talk to her. Want him to leave.
I believe I have been justified in everything I have done but we have gotten along throughout, I do know that I am just at that point in my cycle, I am thinking it makes me bolder, and then it fades.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
Hey, Neecy! Just wanted you to know that I've been keeping up with your sitch, and unfortunately, everytime I've begun a reply, I've been unable to complete it (H walking in, kids and/or H needing something, etc... ).
Anyway, reading this very last post of yours, I have to say that I believe it is time for YOU to TAKE ACTION.
No more words, Neecy. ACTION.
Think about what you want to say, then speak to his parents. It just might be the kick in the a$$ he very well needs.
(((((((Good luck and be strong.)))))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
This is probably not going to happen tonight, but time will tell. H is just leaving work now, I thought he was getting off at 6 so I could either get him to go down there by himself, with me or I was going. He won't be home till close to 9 and I feel wrong showing up there after that. I am half certain that is why he stayed late.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
I'm supportive of whatever you decide Neecy! I do wonder if you should wait a day or two (possible cooling off period) before you take any steps like this to make sure that is what you really want to do.
It is funny you say that Karen because I was thinking today that it is no wonder my H does not take me seriously because this is the 4th month in a row that something major happened and he is still here.
Jan 1 - bomb - drove around looking for ow house came home and H finally admitted to bing unfaithful with her. Set out boundaries, marriage counselling, no calling her(worked with her 44 hours a week), he closed his facebook account.
Feb 3 - catch him texting her, go to OW's house and confront her, H leaves and sleeps at his parents, let him come home the following night
March 3 - H admits she had contacted him on his day off - lay out boundaries regarding no contact - he says no - tell him it is this or nothing, call to get a lawyer consultation. H says he is leaving but never does.
April 1 - H again balks at boundaries, she is my friend I will talk to her. Want him to leave.
I believe I have been justified in everything I have done but we have gotten along throughout, I do know that I am just at that point in my cycle, I am thinking it makes me bolder, and then it fades.
Neecy, one could easily make the case that it has been YOU that has not followed thru. No wonder he doesn't take you seriously.
I think it's time. If you want to ask him to go with you to his parents', then fine, but do it RIGHT AS YOU'RE PLANNING TO GO OVER THERE -- don't give him any advance warning. All he will do is lie and spin and obfuscate, as others have pointed out.
You're doing SO much better, but it's time to follow thru with ACTIONS, honey. ACTIONS.
Ok, Neecy. It's nothing personal, lady, but I'm going to give you a little swat on the behind.
Originally Posted By: neecy22
This is probably not going to happen tonight, but time will tell.
No, hon. YOUR ACTIONS will tell. Not time.
Nobody expects you to do anything right this very minute, but something certainly has to happen soon, and again, it is YOUR ACTIONS that will determine everything. As stated before, H does not take anything you say seriously because you have not followed through.
Quote:
H is just leaving work now, I thought he was getting off at 6 so I could either get him to go down there by himself, with me or I was going. He won't be home till close to 9 and I feel wrong showing up there after that. I am half certain that is why he stayed late.
Now, I am NOT trying to get you worked up, but are you certain he was at work til then?
Just saying it's possible he could be coming up with excuses in order to avoid the dreaded talk with his parents. H knows you want to do this, and I think we all know he does not.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Just saying it's possible he could be coming up with excuses in order to avoid the dreaded talk with his parents
I know my husband is doing this, avoiding family. Its been 5 weeks since he moved out and he hasn't told ANYONE but his dad, and asked him to keep his confidence!! Funny, he practically shoved me out the door when we returned from FL to tell my mom, and here we are, 5 weeks later...
Either tell them asap, or stop threatening to do so. HUGS!
PS: For me, it didn't matter at first that they didn't know, but I told H last weekend he needed to tell them. It was time. He is fine with me telling them, actually, but I will give him more time. This is his to face.
Now, I am NOT trying to get you worked up, but are you certain he was at work til then?
Just saying it's possible he could be coming up with excuses in order to avoid the dreaded talk with his parents. H knows you want to do this, and I think we all know he does not.
I am fairly certain he was at work, 3 of the 6 staff were fired last week and the regional manager was there today. That being said I agree that he is avoiding the talk.
lwb - the reason I am adamant about him telling his parents is because if he is leaving here that is where he is going, he doesn't have the $ to live anywhere on his own even once we separate everything and he doesn;t owe on bills here. Last night he said well I will go sleep there but just tell them we had a fight - um no.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
Now, I am NOT trying to get you worked up, but are you certain he was at work til then?
Just saying it's possible he could be coming up with excuses in order to avoid the dreaded talk with his parents. H knows you want to do this, and I think we all know he does not.
I am fairly certain he was at work, 3 of the 6 staff were fired last week and the regional manager was there today. That being said I agree that he is avoiding the talk.
lwb - the reason I am adamant about him telling his parents is because if he is leaving here that is where he is going, he doesn't have the $ to live anywhere on his own even once we separate everything and he doesn;t owe on bills here. Last night he said well I will go sleep there but just tell them we had a fight - um no.
Neecy, what does the one thing have to do with the other? Just because he is likely to have to go LIVE there, HE gets to be the one to tell them?
Sorry, I call "bullchit" on that one. Next time he is home (or even if he's not), tell him YOU are going over there, to tell them the TRUTH that HE should have told his own parents, and that he's welcome to come with you if he'd like.
I do wonder if you should wait a day or two (possible cooling off period) before you take any steps like this to make sure that is what you really want to do. If you still feel the same way after a day or two, then that is probably the right decision for you I think. I know that at least for myself, I do tend to change my mind about stuff from day to day, go up and down, etc. and I usually regret anything impulsive I do (it tends to be anti-DB). As long as you take time and think about it then I think you will def. make the right decision and I am supportive of you always!!! 
).