- as for W's wackiness - have you ever thought about getting a calendar and marking it? Because she seems so hormonal and weird, perhaps there's a monthly cycle to her madness? If so, you could save yourself a lot of grief by anticipating when "those days" were and avoiding negotiating at that time of the month.
- as for the house - are you so far away from W that you would have to move in order to share custody of your D? Seems odd to me that the courts would expect you to move out of the family home, rather than expect W to rent somewhere closer to home. If you could buy W out for little money, couldn't you stay in the house and get a room mate to help with expenses?
- I agree with the advice of others to leave as much to the lawyers as you can. Yes, it's unfortunate that it costs more to do it that way, but with a crazy woman like your wife, it seems safest. As for the household goods and personal belongings - rather than pay for an appraiser, can't you just go online and find comparable values for things? Craigslist, maybe?
- as for wife's accusations that you somehow are responsible for all the debt: I get that too. I have always handled our finances, because H didn't care to. For 20+ years things went well. Last year he made a decision to make a career change that involved a lower salary, but he didn't follow through on the decreased spending part of that. As a result, we accumulated some debt, which we will likely have to pay off over the next year or so (he is now back at his previous salary, and I now have an income which is slowly increasing as I build my business). I tried to speak to him about it as things were going on - but he made impulsive purchases to the tune of over $15,000 and continued to make his usual expensive travel plans without once consulting me on whether we could afford them.
Now he has finally decided to "take over" our finances (although I still do all the bill paying). Thankfully, this has led to him finally understanding that he does not take home nearly as much as he used to think he did and our expenses are large and fixed. Still, he has that need to somehow blame it all on me. Near as I can tell, he thinks our debt is due to me buying People magazine at the grocery store!!
My point being - it's about them WANTING things to be a certain way (ie my husband thinking "I make a good salary therefore I can buy anything I want") and when confronted with a reality that doesn't match that, deciding it must be your fault.
Also, bear in mind that the guilty WAS HAS to demonize the LBS in order to justify their affair and departure from the marriage.
Stick to the high road, stick to business only in the divorce negotiations (keeping the emotional stuff out of it) and be very very careful of your W, who is willing to accuse you of child molestation apparently.
