Wow, that is wonderful... just gave me the chills.. I am so happy for you...
whichever you decide about the rings is your choice.. although I understand what klm is saying, I also understand the wanting to start a new part of it too...
Good luck.. and great for you!
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I don't disagree with you at all, klm. When I posted, I didn't mean to sound as if I wanted a new ring. I guess it's just hard for me to look at it again in a brand new light. Many times during the first few months of our S, I would often lie down with it in my hand and cry. I took so much pride in wearing it. When everything disintegrated, my image of my wedding ring and all that it meant to me completely shattered.
But I believe you are right. I need to look at it again with the same pride I used to.
However, I won't put it on by myself. When the moment is right, I think I'll ask H to do the honors.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Wow GF! I've never posted to you before and I've not read all of your sitch, but I just want to say what an inspiration!!!! 3 years of waiting gives you the Queen of Patience crown.
I like the way you put yorur foot down too. I myself and reconciled with H, I busted my D, but I do remember saying something similar to him, that if he wanted a D in future then I would not stand in his way AT ALL, but he had to make very sure it was what he wanted because I would not fight again. I asked him to come to me with problems MUCH earlier and I would work with him to find a solution, rather than him doing his old trick of assuming he could read my mind and could see into the future.
But enough of me!!! I wanted to chime in and say WOW - well done and just goes to show that sometimes sticking it out can be worth it. I expect many times you've wanted to throw in the towel, but you stayed the distance. Well done!
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
Wow!!! Thank you so much, Jen_Jam! I think I'm blushing!
Trust me, I've had my bouts with patience, and there were soooo many times I wanted to quit. So many times when I felt I didn't care WTH happened anymore. But everytime I looked at my babies' faces.....I just knew I had to keep at it for them. For their sake. They deserve every chance possible.
The people out there who say "kids are resilient".....I just don't get them. I don't see it.
((((Thanks again, Jen_Jam!!))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
GF, It is an inspiration to see that WAHs do come home after so long. Mine has been gone 2yrs 4 months so I'm not that far behind you. I don't expect to be having the good news you have though as my H is very well ensconced in his new love nest with much younger OW. I just wanted to say congratulations
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
GF, sorry, I didn't mean to get on my soapbox about the ring. I completely understand why people want to get new ones, and I don't mean to judge them in any way. I know that isn't what you said, but I just wanted to give you a different perspective on it.
I think having him do the honors when you want to put it back on is a great idea.
No worries, Kris! BTW, you and my S8 share the same name . Now how cool is that?!!!
(((((ACJ,)))))
Thank you, and I'm really sorry to hear about your sitch. He's been gone for all this time - are you two still M'ed?
It's good that you're not expecting anything to happen, but one can always hope. Prior to my H coming back last month, he was involved with someone else for a year, and I was involved with a guy (15 years older than me) for about a year and a half.
Just saying, anything is possible.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Yes we are still M. H wants a D but I am making it go as slowly as possible. His OW is 27, he met her just after he left me (when he left he had a different OW who was 22 at the time), they have been living together virtually since day one and they have been engaged for nearly 2 years (hence my lack of hope). I haven't stepped outside the bounds of my M vows and for the forseeable future don't intend to.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I would never suggest to anyone to go out and date if they are S'ed from their H/W, and if I gave that impression in my previous post, I apologize. It was not my intent at all.
When my H and I S'ed back in '05, I had NO desire whatsoever to be with anyone else, even after a year went by, and I was approached quite often. Wasn't really ready for it, but mostly I just didn't want to go there. H came to me, rather frequently, always saying he wanted to work things out, then would leave when he got the reassurance he was seeking from me (basically that I was still open to reconciliation and I wasn't going anywhere). After that, nothing more would follow.
I finally said to myself one day, "He might never come back....so what am I waiting for?" I needed to get out of the house, and I needed to feel alive again.
I did a bunch of the GAL things - hung out with friends and family, viewed art exhibits, went to see plays, supported the h.s. by attending bingo night , read a book while enjoying coffee at one of the local coffee houses, etc, etc....and I told myself, "Alright. If someone asks me out again, and he's good-looking , why not? I'll give it a try." I couldn't sit and wait and do nothing any longer. I felt I had to show my H that I wasn't going to wait on him anymore. I had to show him that I could, and would, move on if he wasn't going to come back. I was not going to wait on him forever.
After I did that, that's when I met the man I dated for all that time. He approached me at a coffee house, commented on the book I was reading (by Michael Connelly - I'm a big mystery/thriller fan!), and before leaving, he asked if he could have the pleasure of chatting with me again. Things went on from there.
And I was always very upfront and honest with him. I told him of my entire situation, and I made sure he understood that if one day my H chose to finally get his a$$ in gear, that our R would cease and I would be going back to H. He appreciated my honesty and candor and still was always very respectful.
Anyway, I have no regrets about dating while H and I were S'ed. Like I said, I had to do something different. I had to let go and move on, but I always held out hope for my H to return to me.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
would never suggest to anyone to go out and date if they are S'ed from their H/W, and if I gave that impression in my previous post, I apologize. It was not my intent at all.
I never thought for one moment that you were suggesting I go out and date. I just posted my current sitch and feelings. If I made you feel uncomfortable then I too apologise.
Quote:
H came to me, rather frequently, always saying he wanted to work things out
My H has NEVER done this in all the time he has been left which is why I have very little hope of him returning. All I can do is leave it in God's hands now. I know I need to do something different but at the moment don't know what that should look like.
Thank you for your story and I really do hope things continue to go well for you and your H.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
BTW, you and my S8 share the same name