still, your post about you shaking really brought me back to last summer. I honestly don't know how I did it. I wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, was running 2 miles a day. I was in shock. So many triggers, it hurt so much to be around H, but it hurt when he was gone as well.
Get your accts in order, quietly. He said those things out of anger only, probably doesn't mean it, but you do need to protect yourself. I suppose for now, if he thinks he has no free time, give it to him. Tell him to pick the days he wants to see the kids, and then tell him he has to stick with those because you will be making plans. Get a sitter if he can't make it. He needs the space, and you do too.
About communicating with him right now. Its going to be so hard. My H was so very angry and hateful during his PA (when I didn't know about it) and after he confessed, it got worse for awhile. He hated me, I ruined the marriage, I was selfish, etc. Granted, he still feels that I did more to ruin the M, but he has calmed down so much since last summer. You have GOT to walk away. Tell him you will talk with him, but you will not be yelled at, or talked down to. Tell him to email you if he has things to say. Wonder what caused his mood to switch.
You can get through this. Its so very painful and yes, I remember wishing for one normal moment, one escape from me thinking "This is my life!". Soon the raw pain will be easier to take, sleep will come, and you will be feeling better. Take care!
