This wasn't on the postcard

[Phoenix_spark]

Thanks for putting me on the list. I hope to get down there myself this week and do some serious pondering. Met with a C last week, didn't have much more to say then I already had learned here, but did stress to focus on myself and live the right way. He was encouraged by my approach and attitude. I'm half tempted to call a summit meeting of DB minds, but as you know it's at a point where W is the only one who can make final call. She can either build pull or pull the plug. I think this week will be good for her to see how much she does need me.

[BeingMe]

I think this week will be good for her to see how much she does need me.

Ah, Phoenix, but isn't it about being wanted, not needed. Being needed is way too much pressure, IMHO.

I hope the weekend has been good for you.

[Phoenix_spark]

Week has been nice. It's great to step back and just be my own person again, no stress. A change of mindset has been just shear pleasure. I do realize that sooner or later, back into the frying pan I go.

[Aud31]

Enjoy it while it lasts then.

[BeingMe]

^^^^ going up ^^^^ How are things going, Phoenix?

[Phoenix_spark]

Things are going fairly decent, dare I say decent. Why? Not sure. I don't think it's due to anything I have done. W went with kids on a trip during spring break and things have been better since. There's still the emotional detachment, but not to the same level as before. Also the standard pressure about D has not come up yet. W is more responsive in conversation, but still "touch and go".

I guess I'm still trying to figure out if this is a trend, or a set up for a "mental slam". The be nice and then drop the bomb has happened in the past. However some things have been changing outside of the R that could be coming into play. Sorry I haven't been on here much for the rest of you, but some days I feel like with all I have done, I still might fail at this. Kind of hard to deal with and face first thing in the morning, or just before bed.

Have been meeting with a C. He has confirmed some of my thoughts, but hasn't quite accomplished much for me either. Made a trip down to the T finally, it was good and confirmed my position. It's a great feeling that with everything else in limbo, at least there is a place of piece to go to.

Will expound more later, but I thought that at least I should keep my DB pals in the loop. Hope things are well there on the home front. Last time I look things were doing better for you.

[BeingMe]

Hi Phoenix! Your post has a feeling of acceptance to it. Am I right? Sounds like you are letting go, and letting things move along at God's pace.

It is good to have a place of peace to go to, and know that there is a grander, more cosmic plan, and that this (the negativity, and pain) too shall pass.

Thinking of ya, Phoenix!

[Phoenix_spark]

Just not sure what to say on here any more. I think I finally know what it's like to be terminally ill, however for me it does kind of have a time line. I use to think I wouldn't come on here unless I had at least some words of encouragement, but I just had to vent. Perhaps what I could say is this, even though you feel like just giving up, you don't want this.

I don't know what the "big plan" is for me, however I do know what I have done and what I have put up with. I do know that W will get to enjoy the "mill stone" that comes from making this kind of choice. All though it might seem all normal on the surface, I have seen too many people's past D memories and resentments come to the surface as soon as I tell them what is happening to me.

Still trying to figure out how we're going to approach the kids about this one. The more I read this post, perhaps it is time for a new forum for me. Let's see, is there a "going down in flames" forum. Perhaps D but not done would be the closest fit. Not sure today if "not done" applies. I knew in high school I wanted nothing to do with the legal system, thirty years later I still have the same position.

Keep up the good fight DBers, this really does suck.

[BeingMe]

It does suck, Phoenix! There is no getting away from it. But, please, be humbly proud of yourself, 'cause you did all and more than you could to save your M and tried so hard to prevent the break-up of your family. This is no longer in your control (it never was really) anymore ... it's out of your hands and in God's and your wife's. Let them fight it out. And, you know who will win in the end.

Do you know why, at this time, your W has decided to go ahead with the D? Is there someone else ... again!?

Take care of yourself, and know that we are here for you to vent as much as you want. Thinking of ya!

[Phoenix_spark]

Is there someone else. My guess is yes. Do I have hard proof? No, but all the signs say yes. Otherwise, why now after so long holding on to it? Add this to W on and off moods, wait and see, then full stem ahead. I also happen to stumble on a V-day card which was kind of romantic, but wasn't sent to me. It disappeared before V-day.

There are many other details that I don't have time to expound on. Needless to say some day she will have to account for her actions, I wouldn't want to be there for that day.

So what do you get your W for your anniversary after she "pulled the plug" on your M? Won't find that section at the Halmark store. Right now I am just working hard to have a "C" like attitude about the whole thing. In a way I have been a little surprised how church leadership has been taking such a stand off approach to this thing, but I guess if she's not in tune, what they say won't make much difference. I guess that's why I'm not in there position, I would say something.

How did RS lesson go? I was kind of glad to hear what your approach/state of mind has been towards your M. Hopefully that will eventually get you where your both need to be. Have a good week. If you have any great ideas, I'm all ears.