I so respect you for trying to resolve this, trying to make this work.
Truth be told....I will bet this is a really common problem for folks with arrainged (sp?) marriages. I work with a lot of folks that have experienced them, and they run the gammut of hating each other to being really passionate, to having a sweet calm love for each other.
If you have the relationship that is going good.....keep hanging in there, you will stumble on some solutions.
I'm assuming you have experienced erections and turn on with women who were not your wife. How did that go? What do YOU think is at issue with you not being turned on by her? Is it visual? Is it her education? Etc?
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
