It seems like you have a good grasp on what to do as far as communicating with him. I know you feel like you're floundering, but I don't think you are giving yourself enough credit.
My heart aches for you.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence