My first post - Dday#2 and separating

[stillbreathing]

hank you very much, girl. I feel like I'm floundering here.

I wish i could just have one day where things feel normal. I know thats a lot to ask but right now I'm just shaking. Just shaking for no apparent reason.

Since Sunday we have been avoiding each other like the plague.

Yesterday he did all my laundry while I was at work. He didn't do his own. Didn't do the kids. Just mine.

This morning when I left for work I left a letter for him on the counter. Basically it said it is not my responsibility to figure out his life for him and I won't ask him for help with mine. He just needs to take his half of the burden of this family. I also said that he can't just have freak out when the kids are home and can hear every word. Its only going to hurt them. If he has a problem, he needs to write it down or email it or wait. I said a lot in the letter but that is the basics.

Today when i came home he was all nicey nice and before he walked out the door for work he said "I read your letter and and I agree with it all. I'm going to write you a letter soon, but i just haven't done it yet." I told him I'm going out tonight and he said he would be home on time.

I can't believe this is my life. Maybe i should have seen it coming but i just can't believe it. I hate myself for missing him. I hate myself for wanting to collapse in his arms. I hate feeling butterflies in my stomach when I hear him laugh.

I really need to get a grip and cook dinner but I right now i don't know how.