Basically, she assumed bananas since we always get them and thought "Fruit" meant something else. I was thinking bananas were fruit
I'm sorry...I'm giggling a little bit here. My H and I have little miscommunications like this too, our minds just work different, and that's the way it is. I admire the way you both worked through this, it was good that you addressed it in a positive way.
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she is frustrated that I don't listen well enough, and said that she thinks we didn't know each other well enough to get married
Sounds to me like it is more that she is frustrated you can't read her mind...and every couple has these kind of issues. Hopefully as you work together she will come to realize that it's as much her responsibility to communicate effectively as yours.
A possible solution to this scenario in the future might be to work on a specific list before you walk into a situation that causes anxiety for her. Perhaps you already thought of that.
I've been reading a book about raising 'spirited' kids, and they talk about taking as many precautions as possible when you know you are going into a situation that will be difficult for them. Planning ahead is a pain-in-the-rear, but can pay big dividends in things running more smoothly. Same goes for 'spirited' adults.
As for her/your systems, I think you have a great opportunity to work on making them work for you both...hiccups happen, it's how you deal with them that matters, and I think you did a lovely job keeping your head and resolving the incident.
My H and I have little miscommunications like this too, our minds just work different, and that's the way it is. I admire the way you both worked through this, it was good that you addressed it in a positive way.
