Will look for your email tomorrow when I get to work.
I don't know what your H is. I wouldn't characterize him as a walk-away really either.
I think a walk-away (usually a wife) basically gets so fed up with the shabby treatment that s/he's been getting throughout the marriage that they finally say, "enough" and "walk away" without ever glancing backwards.
Divorce is almost always immediate and there may or may not be someone else in the picture that they walk away to.
FW's OW was a classic example of a walk away wife. Stayed for years in an unhappy marriage and once D-day came she left her marriage, filed for divorce as soon as she could and as far as I know never once looked back or thought she was doing the wrong thing.
Your H seems to be a hard one to categorize. I see him as more of a European playboy type. I think he will eventually tire of this young OW of his and move onto the next and the next and the next.
I may be wrong, but that's kind of how I see him. I see that the culture over there is much more accepting of this kind of behavior that it's harder for him to see it as "wrong" and have any sort of guilt or remorse about it.
I don't know - just rambling today.
BFM
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
Please be careful. This is between you and your H. Keep the children out of adult matters. Protect them and make it safe for them to express whatever they may want or need to express even if it causes your emotions to swing wildly.
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
I have tried not to put them in the middle. But H did by calling the house and putting ow on the phone to them so they would feel awkward talking to her in front of me. I have just explained to the kids that I do not want that to happen again, so I have told their dad that I do not want that to happen !
That is all that I did with my kids. However they still feel like they have been put in the middle. So what I was trying to say was that just mention it to H when he oversteps your boundaries. Don't mention it to the kids at all.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
You are both right swl and ACJ, I did the explaining so as to be able to erase the ow email adres and phone number from D9's computer adresses and mobile phone. I couldn't do it without explaining.
I have said that they may have lots of fun with daddy and ow when they are there and that she is allowed to talk to me about ANYTHING even ow fun stuff, or bad stuff, anything. But that mommy does not want the calls or emails to the house. That's all.
Yes, I may have been very wrong. And yes, I am protecting myself more than them in this...but I cannot deal with the bulldozering that my H does. The pain is too great.
I'm sorry...for my kids, I'm sorry if I've put them in a rotten position, I still LOVE THEM TO DEATH !
And yes, I plan on discussing this stuff with H only in future.
BFM - thanks I'll be writing you soon.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Hey Cinders...how is your daughter doing? I remember you saying you had a situation with her pulling her hair out until she had a little bald spot a while back....I really hope she has recovered from that.
Take Care of yourself.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Hey Cinders...how is your daughter doing? I remember you saying you had a situation with her pulling her hair out until she had a little bald spot a while back....I really hope she has recovered from that.
Take Care of yourself.
She didn't pull...it was a bald spot from stress..it's still bald, so we think it may not be from stress...who knows, but it has not gotten worse thank GOD !
How's your d??
Glad to read how well you're doing !
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
I'm sorry...for my kids, I'm sorry if I've put them in a rotten position, I still LOVE THEM TO DEATH !
You didn't your H did. Give yourself a break. We are all only human and we are allowed to hurt sometimes (or in my case at all times )
Your kids know you love them and they love you.
You know it's true, I just need to go through this for now. I will be fine in a while. BUt now I need H not to be a part of my life. As friend or anything. ALl he is now, is the father of the children.
It has to be like this for now, I need it to be like that for now.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
As a WAH once, I never looked back. I did not have children that tied me to her though. If I did... I wouldn't have left. I'd be dead from a heart attack. But lets say I did leave, I would have made it very clear that there was no future, I would not give her hope that there would be.
That was over 9 years ago. I wonder and hope tht she is happy, but that is about it. Once, I did send her an email at the height of my depression in LBS land, I figured that she could derive a certain ammount of satisfaction from what I was going through but I made it clear that I had no regrets.
But this is just me. I can only speak for me. That is what I did as a WAH.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
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