H never came back 5

[Sugar and Spice]

What do you feel? What do you want? You are a smart woman, put on paper and then take it from there.

I told my H at one point that I was very clear about what I wanted and that I loved him and was willing to do the work required to fix our marriage if we could get to that point.

Go with your strengths and it doesn't hurt to do a little planning, but you need to be clear in your mind about what it is you want to say and how it would be best to say it.

[klm]

Probably a good idea to wait a little bit and really think about what you want to say.

[MichelleLT]

I'm totally amazed this hasn't locked yet...by saying that I probably will jinx myself and get it locked in the middle of brainstorming necessary discussion items lol.

1. I can't handle OW being involved/around/friends/anything - I think I need to take a very "I" approach to that and just say that it hurts me and my patience is not unlimited.
2. I think a follow-up on that is that neither one of us can really give this a fair shot with torn loyalties and OP involved - not sure how to keep this focused on me as he already feels guilty enough w/o me rubbing his nose in it but I feel it is a very important point.
3. I'm getting tested again in a few months at my annual gyno (let me tell you, I'm soooooo (not) looking forward to that lol) but he also needs to do the same, and I'd like OW to do so as well.
4. Regardless of test results, he'd better get used to the idea of using protection (at least for the foreseeable future) and I don't particularly care how much he hates it.
5. That I need honesty from him about the past and present.

[GoingForward]

Not that you asked, but here are my two cents :

1. I can't handle OW being involved/around/friends/anything - I think I need to take a very "I" approach to that and just say that it hurts me and my patience is not unlimited.

Very good.

2. I think a follow-up on that is that neither one of us can really give this a fair shot with torn loyalties and OP involved - not sure how to keep this focused on me as he already feels guilty enough w/o me rubbing his nose in it but I feel it is a very important point.

Keep stating your views, beliefs, feelings on the sitch. Express why it is important to you. I think as long as you steer clear from saying things like, " because you are doing this or that," he's less likely to take it personally. Keep "H" out of the equation, kwim?

Bad example: "This isn't working for me. Can't you understand how having someone else around is wrong? Don't you see how hurtful it is to me?..."

Better example: "There is a 3rd person involved in our M, and the longer it continues to be this way, the more it continues to hurt me as well as the faith that I have in our M..."

Just an example. The most important thing to remember IS to keep it focused on you, as you said.

3. I'm getting tested again in a few months at my annual gyno (let me tell you, I'm soooooo (not) looking forward to that lol)...

Always the very wise thing to do.

... but he also needs to do the same, and I'd like OW to do so as well.

You cannot do anything about this. It is completely out of your control UNLESS you and H continue to be intimate with one another. Then he SHOULD agree to getting himself tested.

4. Regardless of test results, he'd better get used to the idea of using protection (at least for the foreseeable future) and I don't particularly care how much he hates it.
5. That I need honesty from him about the past and present.

Again, out of your control. You can't make him do what you want him to do (unless you're talking about ML - then YES, insist on using protection), and regarding honesty, that has to come from HIM. He has to be willing and has to WANT to be truthful with you.