I know there is only a 50/50 chance..and right now I feel like there is little to no chance of h waking up. I just wonder why he tries to suck me back into his world if he wants to be rid of me.
When I came home from work yesterday he calls asking if he could pick d13 up from softball. I told him fine...since he won't see her until sunday (she has stuff going on after school....so won't be around). In through the door comes d13...2 minutes later in comes h.
I busied myself in the kitchen. I was making dinner, lunch for the kids for the next day,etc. He sat at the kitchen table..watching, making small talk. I don't know why. Perhaps he is waiting for the real estate papers I haven't signed yet.
Anyway, he was in the kitchen while i did my thing and then I left to put laundry away. I didn't cater to him. Didn't sit with him ....just did my own thing. I mentioned that I was going to work on fixing the grill sunday....and of course he chimes in that he will do it. UGH!!
I turned around a little while later and he was gone and I had a tm from him stating "I hope you had a good night. Sorry I was in the way." I ignored it.
Today....already 2 calls.
My H has some serious issues. I really don't know if he will ever heal. He is harboring such inner loathing and has projected so much onto me it is beginning to look like he will never return.
In the meantime, I will enjoy my children. D13 has 6 softball games in the next 4 days, bingo night for a fundraiser and her swim banquet on Sunday (which H will be going to ....and I don't want to sit with him, but....??) and s16 starts teaching swim lessons to little kids next week....so there is plenty to do without worrying about H.
I think pulling back is a good thing for me....going dimmer. Who knows what it will bring...but it will be a lot easier than the rollercoaster. Let's pray I can keep it up and that God will be working on H while I do.
