oh rachel you sound so sad. I am sorry any of us have to go thru this stuff. I read your story and think at least you H tells you he loves you and wants to be with you. My H isnt sure. He says he loved the OW (co-worker who he confided in and told all of this deep dark secrets too) and didnt have the same feelings for me (he figured this out after 24 years of marriage). Even though he is home and going to C ( we do not go to joint counseling, he isnt ready for that yet)because at the very least he has determined his cheating was because he was unhappy with himself, he will not commit to our relationship, he still isnt sure, never says ILY and we are defintley not having sex. He isnt feeling those kinds of feelings for me at this time. We had difficulty before he left, because he was never honest with his feelings. I could only pray he could be more verbal and tell me what he wants, because even after 24 years I dont know i guess. He had no problem with her. Loved to hold her and sex was natural and easy. He says she physically excited him and I do not because I am overweight. He says sex is very visual for him. I too am afraid that if his technique has changed it will upset me because he learned it from her. My H also has alot of guilt regarding OW. He feels bad for her, because he lied and made her believe she was the one for him and she let him into her life and then he left her to return to his family. She acts as if she were the wife. I too try and let my H know that one some level, she knew what she was getting into having an A with a married man and she needs to accept the consequences. OW is divorced and has gone thru the OW thing herself so I do not feel anything at all as far as her feelings are concerned. She is reaping what she sowed. He seems to feel worse for her than for me. I too am very concerned he came home for the wrong reasons. I guess we need to take each day as it comes, work on ourselves and make ourselves happy. If our H's chose to be part of our lives, that is great!!! But if they dont, we move on. Each decision is individual and not to be taken lightly. Good luck.
