Patrick, her telling you was for what reason? If she needed you to have the kids while she was gone, why did she feel the need to tell you that she is going to Marco Island?
Without my knowing the details, could this be an anger inside of her toward? A passive-aggressive stance that may be coming out to "get even" with you?
If it is, showing that you are not angry at her in return is the best avenue to take. Even if it isn't, you did the right thing.
Her going to church can be a good thing, especially if she hears messages that tell her the right from the wrong and what God expects from us. And I do not know where you are in your R with Him but it has helped me. I have never felt angry with Him about this because I know it was both my actions as well as my wifes that led to this. Even if I was angry with Him, he can take it and the best thing I could do is talk to Him about it and resolve any issues I have with Him.
Most importantly, and this is not a feel good lie or an attempt to do anything but tell you the truth, since I have started working on improving my relationship with God, my other relationships have improved (with my children, friends, coworkers, other familY and my wife), not to mention I do not feel so alone anymore. It also helped me realize that a relationship with the fairer sex would only be a band-aid and make me feel more miserable, in the long term, than it would be worth.
Again, I am not there to see the interactions between you and your wife when she does the things or says the things that happens but from what you have shared, she is trying really hard to see you as the bad guy and to make the OM the good guy. Her attempts to get the OM accepted by her parents, your children and your friends (and other family) sounds like her manipulation to get everyone to see that she made the right choice. She is probably seeking validation for her decisions.
I would continue recommending that you make the changes real inside of you where you lovingly accept her (not her actions) and show love even for your enemy (the OM). You do not have to embrace him or their relationship but the best course of action is to not appear to be his or her enemy either. Become the good guy, for real. Besides this being the right thing to do, it will do wonders for you. It will probably make everyone including your W question the decisions your W has made.
Further, it could show the reasons why your W fell for you in the first place and help her through this process. Your Ds will respect you for demonstrating the strength to still love the family and be the patriarch.
Seriously, I am proud of how you stood up to the news of your Ws upcoming trip and did not react negatively.
mmf
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
I appreciate your support. I did try my best not to be negative in front of her...but it really hurts still. She hasn't gone to church, I wish she would. But I have been taking the kids on Sundays when I can get them to go. It definitely makes me feel better to go but I am always wrestling with my faith. That's why I stopped going years ago. I have good days and bad but I wish I could strengthen my faith. It just seems so hard to believe in God when he never acknowledges us. You pray and pray for help or something....you try to do the right things and the world just craps on you. People go about doing the wrong things and bounce along happily day after day while somepeople do the right things and suffer....
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
Your R with God is exactly that Patrick. Each person has to come to their own realizations on their own time. There is no right time or exactly the same way for each person.
Personally, I think God ackowledges us, we just usually don't see it for what it is. It is usually chalked up to good fortune or coincidences. I know it has taken me to finally begin studying the bible to start to understand how He works and what He expects from us. I also have learned to have patience and I am seeing things happen in my life.
I encourage you to keep praying and listening. He does speak to people in different ways. Chances are you won't have a "burning bush" experience. He can talk to you in many ways.
I have done a lot of right stuff and suffered. I cannot remember one instance where I think God was the one who made me suffer from choosing to do the right thing. I can think of other factors, other peoples' decisions that have contributed to the suffering.
I also have seen most people who choose to do wrong eventually have their day when it comes back to haunt them. To some, that's karma, to me, it is the result of living for self or sin. Funny thing is that now I don't even crack a smile or feel happy that someone got theirs. I feel sad for them since they are losing out on what is important in life.
Patrick, over time, you will feel more at peace knowing you chose to do what is right. I have a feeling that you will enjoy real relationships as opposed to those that seek self centered lifestyles.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
Spot on MMF. Patrick, you are definitely talking to the right person when it comes to help in strengthening your R with God. MMF has grown through the crisis into an amazing, strong, Christian man. He can point you to the right scripture to answer questions. Please don't feel like you can't ask. He has helped me so much and I appreciate him more than I can say.
Patrick, I will add you and your family to my daily prayers. There is so much suffering in the world but if we can find our way to the light of God and walk with Christ through this life we will be protected. That doesn't mean there won't still be suffering but we will have Him to walk with us through it and carry us when we can go no further. Believe that Patrcik.
Many hugs to you!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I need some quick advice...I got invited to my neices bday party and W and OM might be there...should I not go?? I don't know how I will act with that a@@hole around....I have to verify before I know for sure...
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
Don't say I want my wife back either...that's a given.
Yeah what do you want?
And are you capable of doing it? You got to be honest with yourself.
I mean you can go, and act like an ass around him, and wouldn't THAT look good on you? And before you say anything like "It's not fair." Yeah neither is being born in a civil war torn third world country. Life is seldom fair. But Life is what you make it.
You can go, and act in such a way that everyone looks at you, and then looks at your wife and OM, and think...She is F-ing crazy.
Right now though, just based on you and your writing and the fact that you're asking for advice...
I don't think going is a wise choice...not unless you really have a handle on yourself.
If you do go, you are doing this to yourself. She is not parading him around to upset you, you went yourself, you upset yourself, you did this, your choice, your decision, your fault. Understand?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Just have to make a comment about the male posters on this sitch.
You are all such inspiring Christian men.
The world would be so much better with more of you.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
