After the Affair by Janis Spring was a good book, meant for both partners. We didn't read it aloud, but we both took turns reading it. And found it helpful. At least the first few chapters. We didn't go all the way through it. She does an excellent job of categorizing the reasons people have affairs and then she clearly explains how it is never the faithful spouse's fault that the other spouse has an affair. This was extremely valuable to me, because my husband insisted that his affair was my fault.
I stand by what I said about dialoguing being important as an effective means of communication. Our experience is that is isn't so much what either of us said in the dialogue, but the act of coming to agreement on the question, giving both of us equal say in answering the question, and having time after to delve further. The act of dialoguing brought us closer. It broke down barriers, exposed hidden hurts, brought out small happinesses that might have been overlooked, taught us to be considerate in how we spoke to each other, and gave us a feeling of working together. Before dialoguing my husband and I were pulling in different directions, each of us trying to "win" an argument and make our opinion prevail. Now we look for compromise. We were on opposite teams, now we are a team. And that is what marriage should be. Life is tough, two people working together can do better than two people going in different directions.
