H came over last night to do some laundry. He stuck around for about 3 hours had some chicken soup and we talked a lot. He's still set on a D and I told him it's not what I wanted nor did I think that a D would be ok on D6. He doesn't like it when I say that so I'll do my best not to say anything about it to him anymore. He said we have to focus on being friends and helping D through any difficulties she might have with this. He said he wants us to be friends and that we can do things together with and without D but right now it's too hard. He says that this has been really hard on him too and that he can't see himself marrying again. Said that he'd have to be 110% sure if he did. He told me that we cannot build upon our R and I told him I agreed because that would be like rebuilding a house that didn't have a basement. I told him that I didn't want us to be like we were before and that we could start something new. He didn't think so. I still have time to subtly change his mind. He told me that I needed to work on my relationship with my parents and that it would show that I'm the bigger person.
Here is a list of negatives and positives from last night (more positives than negatives )
Negatives of C 1. Wants a D 2. Wants a new life 3. Doesn't want a marriage with me
Positives 1. Is not going to sue me or fight for custody!!! 2. Thinks I'm a good woman 3. Cares about me 4. Didn't say he didn't love me but didn't say he did either 5. Wants me to work on my issues with my Mom 6. Still wants to buy the apartment we live in 7. wants to be friends
He left with me softly crying but wouldn't leave until he was sure I was ok. He came over to the couch and kissed me goodbye and I told him thanks. He saked for what and I told him for talking to me. He said I'll always be here for you and we can always talk.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
)
