Wow ! HFF, I'm sorry to see this posted. And I'm shocked that you were not informed personally. This is a very sad way to learn that your wife is leaving you.
Just FYI - HFF and i discussed this - no it wasn't the best way to present it to him, BUT it worked...we talked when he got home from work. He had time to read it, process what i was saying and reflect on it. It's been the same with another ituation recently, he read my diary. I wrote in it all the things i wanted to tell him but just couldn't do it face to face. Cowardly - maybe - but this "tactic" right now is working for us.
I would never saythis is the way to do things all the time, but right now there isn't that knee jerk reaction to fly off the handle if something is said that offends or upsets us. gives some time to read and reflect without the other person shutting down as a result of body language or something like that.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,rather by the moments that take our breath away. M38,H40 M14 K D11 S8 D - June 09
Yes, dialoguing is the process that I hope my W and I will be able to learn too.
From what I've read from Sara, and others who've attended Retrouvaille, it's one of the most effective ways to successfully face the challenges of piecing a marriage together again. I hope you can begin using that approach to communicating again.
Thank you HFF and Mo2C for answering my question yesterday. I too am saddened to hear that a separation might be where you are headed.
I have been separated from my W for one year and one week, and it has not been easy. My situation is different than yours because we have no children and my W has not wanted to work on our marriage (I believe W and OM are building a deeper R - it's been 15 months), so it has been a lonely state of limbo for me, DBing to the best of my abilities, but not seeing much to be hopeful about. However, I am a very patient person with a strong faith, so that is what keeps me going.
Anyhow, I do sincerely hope that you HFF and MO2C can keep the channels of good communication open, and dialogue as best as you can, for that will ensure that you both will grow and evolve in a positive direction no matter what happens.
Best wishes,
LG
Me 46 WAW 45 M 21 yrs
WAW: "I need to be alone" 12/06 W moves out 3/07 Mediation finalized 08/08
Wouldn't this be a great time for a big APRIL FOOL'S!!!!
Oh well. I was kindof hoping to hear that this morning but it probably would have just made me mad.
Husband, I slept surprisingly well last night. I think W did also. I didn't feel her stirring too much. We talked quite a bit after dinner last night and also before bed. Aired out a lot of feelings and I do understand where she's coming from. I do understand that she is feeling a certain emptiness and want her to find that. I did suggest that we could try some other things besides separation, but it is really up to her at this point. Nothing is set in stone at this point, so we'll see how the week goes.
I slept surprisingly well last night. I think W did also. I didn't feel her stirring too much.
Great to hear HFF. Ok this might sound stupid comming from someone that has sleept in a seprate room than his wife for a year and wants so bad to get back togeater but..... have you thought of separete "Rooms" instead of houses???
H
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
There were a few weeks last year that I slept in the office and then she slept in the office. Since the beginning of this year we have been comfortably back in 'our' bed.
If W is really convinced that separation is what she needs, I don't think that separate rooms would be sufficient. Honestly I think it just makes for an awkward situation. I would still be there to help both physically and emotionally and she for I. I don't think that it would get her the distance she is looking for. I don't think she would really get the chance to miss me.
I'd rather not go down the path of separation, but if we do, I don't think an in house separation would have the desired effect.
Worry about the things that YOU can control. let the rest go.. I know this is hard. My son and my week long camping trip is in two months and I am already haveing those sneaky thoughts about being away and W seeing the OM... NO PROFF... No real reason to think this but ...... It does pop up......
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
mad.