I don't know if I should I keep on posting on this thread but since I started this topic, I'll continue writing here.
It's been more than a week since their trip and let's see, there's been the grocery bag incident and the amusement park outing. My wife ended up going to an NBA game with some of her classmates the same night as the amusement park outing. She's just living up the life, isn't she?
That night she was out, I seized the opportunity to expose the affair to her family. Her two sisters were at the house, and her dad too. Now one of her sisters knows the whole thing because I told her about it a couple of weeks ago over the phone. She was the one who encouraged me to talk to the family since most of them were there. From our prior talks, I could see that she was on my side and agreed that what my wife is doing is totally messed up.
As I began the talk with my wife's family, the other sister was resistant to talking to me, which puzzled me. It turns out she was upset that the other sister had spoken to me and it appeared to her that it was that sister's idea that I talk to them. That's partially true but I've been wanting to talk to them for a while anyway and was just waiting for the right opportunity. When I found about the affair a month ago and my wife's non-desire to work things out, I told my wife that my family and her family needed to know about us. She agreed. And because I had a talk with the wife about her moving to the other house the other day, it was time that her family knew why. They knew that she was planning to take a room at the other house her dad owns but they only knew it was because we were "having problems." I felt they had to know what was going on.
Anyway, back to the sister, she wanted to talk later when my wife was there. I tried to convince her that this talk was important because it's about the family. She said she'll sit there but would not participate. I began by taking the tact of saying how much I love their sister/daughter, that she is the love of my life, that when I married her, I married her for life and that I'm committed to our marriage. Already, I could see that the sister's demeanor changed. She looked relaxed and was lending an ear. My wife and I are going through problems I told them, but I asked, did they know why my wife was planning on moving to the other house?
I let them know that my wife was having an affair. Looked like the other sister already knew. Their dad didn't. I proceeded to recount the day and manner of discovery, how long the A has been going on, what my wife's been telling me where she's going, and where she actually went, and all the other lies she's said. I also told them of my past agreement with my wife that I would pick up the slack around the house while she concentrated in school. They are first hand witnesses of what I have been doing (since some of them live with us) like taking care of the kids and doing the chores daily. They also know that my wife is not home most of the day.
I told them how my wife broke this agreement and breached my trust by building a secret relationship with another man during this time. And since my wife did not do well in school and can't continue with the course, clearly her extracurricular activities had an impact on her school. It was partly her dad's dream for her to finish the course. He funded her books and tuition. Hopefully he would see that he funded, and enabled, something else.
I emphasized to them my hope that my wife would come to her senses and turn away from all this nonsense and come back to me and the kids. I also owned up to my part in the problems of our marriage (my temper, my being strict with the kids, my neglecting her -- but how can I not, considering our agreement. It was a sacrifice. Alas, I could've done more to pay her attention).
There was also talk about how, if my wife continued in this path, this would severely impact the kids and their school if they found out. They agreed.
I told them about her intentions of continuing to see the OM and if it didn't work out with him that she would continue "dating." I let them know that her moving out was me setting boundaries, that the kids and I would not be subjected to her "single" lifestyle. It's basically giving her what she wants.
They chimed in about how their dad should reconsider funding his daughter's education, and how she should stay home and be with the kids more often. We all agreed that my wife is stubborn and she will do what she wants to do. They thought, however, that by having my wife move would give her too much freedom and she'll just go wild.
They had a different stance, however, in that no matter what happens between me and my wife, the kids need to be protected and not neglected. I reiterated that I'm already doing that. They don't seem to hear that I am still hopeful for the marriage.
I also added an apology about any action on my part for making life difficult for them by being so anal about things (they're messy and I'm, well I thought I was messy until I lived with this family. Hoarders, anyone?).
Her dad said that that daughter of his is his "worst daughter" (I didn't see that coming). BUT he can not change her. I agreed but I told them the reason I was telling them all this was not to have my wife convinced to change her mind but for them to know the truth about her move. He will still try to talk to her but I should be prepared for the worst (eek, what does that mean?). He said it could get ugly.
Anyway, overall I'm glad I talked to them. At least they know the truth about my wife's impending move and our situation. My next post is about what happened next...
