I think you told me you are a policeman. My wife is trying to provoke me into a DV situation everytime she comes home drunk. I don't drink (smoke or gamble). What i would like to ask you is, would it be better for me to go to the police whom I know very well and tell them that there is a problem in my house and here is the story with the theme that she is trying to provoke a DV issue so they are aware. I understand that in NJ all you/I have to do is raise your voice and she can call and say " I fear for my life" and bang they come and take me away. My L told me that if I felt that was what she is trying to do go directly to the PD and report it. She is coming home very drunk and trying to provoke anything she can which is very uncomfortable. I am recording the comversations to protect myself and to show how calm I am and how angry she is. She is very mad at herself. The L's are going to get together in the near future and we are going to try to get her out of the house in a comfortable and legal way. She needs to get rid of this anger and i think if she was in a small one bedroom apartment with no responsibility for a while her anger may disapate. This is all very difficult.
well im in Wisconsin but i guess i would ask a local cop to do what we call a information report. basicly it has no crime involved but yeas it makes people aware that a sich might happen. when you do this get the case number so if she does try to ambush you you can have the reporting officer look up the case number to bring him up to speed. im just saying be very carefull. if her L gets wind of this and tells her, theres no telling how she will react. if you know the local cops then it shouldn't be a problem but be aware that just because you tell one cop does not mean every cop on every shift knows.
Ok thanks... It sounds like you are not recommending this. BTW: we live in a very small town where everybody knows everything. If you roll over and Fa*t in the middle of the night everyone knows.
ok but in small towns gossip also has a way of spreading. if word gets out your loosing any credit in your W eyes of trying to save the M. you become the villan she "already knows " ( she thinks) youe are. mtry to talk to a detective at the P.D. that way your normal beat cop wont have to know about it but at least a person who is ranked will know.
i mean if your going to talk to someone, mabey ask to talk to a detective. that way a report will be done but you wont have to worry about reguler joe cop telling all of his partners that tree is haveing problems with Ms. Tree. your still covering your butt but the its less likely your W will find out.
right now she seems much like my wife. shes bound and determined to see wrong. going to the police with evidence she might be a domestic abuser or tapes that infer this would totaly justify in her eyes her feelings to you. mabey even have your L make a letter to send and have him drum up a draft to send to the police but be very carefull about how you do this.
I have to be careful for she is reading all of this now and has been for a while. She lied about that also. She mentioned this morning that i was planning on having her arrested if she drove drunk again. I am really worried about her drinking. I can not imagine what it would be like to live such lies everyday. Well I have desided that i am going to go ahead and have a great life, one that she will most likely miss out on. I have three great kids whom I love so much my heart is in pain for them.
It must be really hard to lose your love for someone after all we have been through together for twenty years but I want nothing but happiness for her and even if it kills me I want her to live the rest of her life happy. It took me a long time to detach and accept but my future is going to be very bright. I have many great friends that love me dearly and have told me so lately. I don't think I have been this close to my family (Mom, Sis and Bro) in years, I never knew how much they cared about me and how worried they have been for me for the last twenty years. I have been so abused that I didn't think anyone gave a cr*p about me. I was sleep walking through life. Now I am alive, blasted from a tunnel. In the last 6 months I have lost so much but gained even more. I have really grown in so many ways, I am really a whole new person that I really like.
I pray for the health of my wife and children through this difficult time everyday. I will love again and I will be loved again. Time takes time.
Nightmares seem to happen to my children too. My daughter yesterday told me that she dreamed her daddy had cancer and died. She was sad because in her dream she was missing her dad because he was gone from the house.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Tree! Bro I feel for you. At first I thought your sitch was a lot more hopeful than mine. You aren't even separated yet. After reading this whole thread, I'm not so sure.
I haven't written about this here yet, but my W got violent on Sunday night. We got into a fight which escalated, and the last straw was this:
W: you shouldn't talk to your parents. If my dad had hurt our marriage as much as yours has, I wouldn't talk to him. Me: you don't think he did?
That was it. My C thinks that W's father is a big part of the problem. W won't hear anything negative about her dad. Maybe I shouldn't have said it, but I did. Then my stuff was being thrown out the door. All I brought was a laptop bag and some stuff to cook her dinner, but she even threw a jar of sauce at me on the way out. This is the first time anything has turned violent. I guess what she did was enough to get the police involved, but I'm not even thinking about that yet.
Two nights later, we had a great date and night together. Say what?
There's a reason we use terms like "alien" around here. Wives in this MLC aren't themselves. The roller-coaster ups and downs can be staggering. My W isn't getting drunk, so I don't even know what to tell you there.
As for the filing, don't worry about it. My W filed in August, we settled, signed everything, all she had to do was finalize it. She didn't. Now the time limit is up and the case has been thrown out. I'm sorry lawyers are involved (we didn't mess with that), but be careful with their advice. Remember, this is your life, and your lawyer works for YOU.
Your wife has made it clear that she doesn't want a D. Also, I don't care what her lawyer says, with the way she's acting, driving your son while drunk especially, there's no way she'll get a big settlement or possibly even custody. Judges don't look favorably on that.
Somehow, you need to remove yourself from her storm. Maybe the apartment for her is a good idea. This entire thread, you haven't mentioned anything you're doing to work on yourself, anything that you did wrong in the marriage. Don't beat yourself up, but realize this isn't all her fault. Be careful with family also, they can be great support, but naturally they'll take your side on everything and want you to divorce her. Hang in there man, keep us updated.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
