I guess I also want to say that I give up. I give up hoping for change from her. I am powerless to change any of this. Everything she does hurts me and I know that I've been forgiven for my mistakes. I just give up.
I see the next year ahead as a road that will forge a new 'me' out of the old one. I know in the end I'll be better for it. Just going to see where God takes me.
Well Frank, "giving up" can also be "letting go", that can be good. When we let go we start doing things for us, things that will make us fuller human beings and those changes can become pretty appealing to the S who is usually so damn tired of fending off our attempts to save the M. It can become a "no lose" choice, if the M isn't saved we are still fuller, happier people with lives outside of the R and if the M is saved it will be in far better shape because of these changes. So go ahead, let go and let God!
I guess I also want to say that I give up. I give up hoping for change from her. I am powerless to change any of this. Everything she does hurts me and I know that I've been forgiven for my mistakes. I just give up.
I see the next year ahead as a road that will forge a new 'me' out of the old one. I know in the end I'll be better for it. Just going to see where God takes me.
I did go to a local church. Spent about an hour alone and asked for forgiveness for my mistakes. Asked for help for myself and my family. It's the first time I've cried in weeks. I feel a lot better. Like a miracle is coming soon. I hope God will help each of us.
I filled out a prayer request also. Maybe someone will read it.
Someone knew that request before you wrote it, Frank.
I guess I also want to say that I give up. I give up hoping for change from her. I am powerless to change any of this. Everything she does hurts me and I know that I've been forgiven for my mistakes. I just give up.
I see the next year ahead as a road that will forge a new 'me' out of the old one. I know in the end I'll be better for it. Just going to see where God takes me.
D17 called from school. She needed to come home because she has some problems with intestinal cramps and a little blood when going to the bathroom. I think Hemmaroids. She's got an appt. with doc this afternoon and W will be taking her.
After I pick her up and bring her home D17 goes to take a bath and help herself feel better. She says "I wish I had some Salt and Vinegar chips".
W and I talk about arranging the appt, and after I tell W I'm going to the to grocery store, and I'll be right back.
W says, somewhat annoyed, "You aren't going to get her Salt and Vinegar Chips?". I reply "I'm going to the store, I'll be right back". She says "Ok".
I went, and picked up a few other things. When I get back, D17 it grateful for the chips. Yes, I indulge my children.
Meanwhile, W is using the only money she has to pay her larger credit card bill so it won't be late. She comes into my office to let me know that she paid the bill, and only has $90 for food, and half of that will go towards the doctors visit. I tell her I have 3 checks I am expecting in the coming week and we'll have money in a few days.
She then says to me, in a 'positive' voice "We'll be ok, we'll make do with what we have".
Shocking.
Anyway, her paying her bill on time was more important than making sure we have money for food.
I care less today than yesterday. I think that I may have reached the turning point with the Lexapro, and more importantly by giving it up to God I don't have to worry as much any more.
And I talked to Stepmom-in-law and who reminded me "Do you really want to be with someone who had an affair, then told you she'd never leave you again and didn't keep that vow?"
No, I don't. Not without extreme therapy on her part. And not 'crystal huggers' therapy. Real work.
