Just a quick update, the dinner didn't happen, she canceled that morning because she hadn't done anything to get ready for the trip to her cousins for the long weekend. She and the girls were leaving late the next morning on this trip to visit her cousin and her girls. My girls even voiced some concerns because mommy hadn't done anything to get ready for the trip.
She says she still would like to go to dinner yet hasn't offered up a day or time. (Believe none of what they say and half of what they do...)
What's interesting to note here is this lack of preparedness is not something she historically has been know for doing. In years past she would have been nearly ready days before so that the night before only minor things would need to be done. Well I guess all that stress that was created because she had a husband to worry about too in such situations is gone. Now she can't seem to get anything done on time.
BTW, she just hired a cleaning service that will also help her with laundry. Wonder if she will ever realize all the housework I WAS doing. Of course one of her reasons for walking away was because she felt everything was her responsibility and she didn't get the support or help she felt I should be providing. Interesting how she conveniently forgot I was doing all the grocery shopping, a good bit of the cooking, at least half of the laundry, got the kids lunches together and took care of them each morning, too care of the cat, dog and fish and most of the general picking up around the house. Oh let's not forget car care, home maintenance too.
No I am not bitter about all of this but I would like some recognition for what I was doing. Well now I have my own place to worry about and I know I am doing these things for me and the girls and that's enough for now.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Sounds like you are doing well Catfan. Try not to read to much into what she is doing and why. I do that all the time and it hurts. Be strong for yourself.
there, that's my bit of recognition for you a man handy in the kitchen/laundry/pet-kids upkeep is as exotic to me as a lamma, that is a LOT to be doing around the house!
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
there, that's my bit of recognition for you a man handy in the kitchen/laundry/pet-kids upkeep is as exotic to me as a lamma, that is a LOT to be doing around the house!
Yet there's no recognition for what I was doing, only focus is on what I wasn't doing or what I was doing wrong.
So this week I have found myself getting angry about little things she's not doing, the lunch boxes came to my place with Friday's food, once again the girls didn't have proper clothes for the weather nor enough school uniforms, not all their school books came with them and she failed to tell me about how "we" are responsible for snack on Thursday. I need to let the anger run its course then look and find what she is doing right so I can get back to forgiveness. For whatever reason right now I'm not able to forgive.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
no CF you are right to be a little mad. my wife actualy made me cry today while she was over because she noticed there was dirt on a few dishies i had washed. i am a domesti buffon and only in the last few months have i entered the domestic realm. i was so proud i had the dishes and laundry done when she came over, as well as the living room dusted and picked up. but when she called me on the dish i had to excuse myself and cry in the bathroom because i just wanted the effort noticed and not the mistakes. God she calle sme on so much crap now and says " see you never will change" imj trying to damn hard but only my flaws are noticed. i just want to be seen as a H not a enemy. sorry for the ramble.
hey cat, I totally hear you. Sadly, we'll be dealing with that kind of crap for quite a few years (kids' stuff S isnt' taking care of) Sometimes I have to turn a blind eye or try to ignore when I come home to a wrecked place (H can't bring kids to his place yet, so on his days watches kids at home), d5 dirty, knowing she didnt' eat lunch 'til 2pm, s9 not doing his homework, etc etc.
Quote:
Yet there's no recognition for what I was doing, only focus is on what I wasn't doing or what I was doing wrong.
Catfan, as I spend most of time making 4nowH happy, takign care of all the unpleasant details (homework, cleaning, laundry, bills, home/car upkeep) H would just lay on his arse planning the next outing with ow and then he accuses ME of not letting him be an individual?? that I was too "rough" for his taste? He will not, NOT ever admit all the good things I brought into the M, he chose to pick the worse of my old traits and cook up a very unflattering pict of me.
I've given up expecting validation from such a empty person, it's like extracting water from a rock. You and God know you are doing your darnest Catfan, she has her colored glasses on and still calling the sky green, let her craziness be.
Anger isn't bad, let it run as you say, this sitch isn't fair and it is normal to feel that way. Eventually that goodness God put in you will lead you to forgiveness. We have to go through all these "levels" in this trial by fire, skipping one isn't healthy, so allowing yourself to be angry must happen. Prayers your way)))))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
No anger isn't bad, allowing it to control you and take over is bad. So I let it run it's course and after a few days its passing on. Now I can feel the next emotion coming on, sadness and depression. Like anger it's all part of the cycle, just wish it wouldn't recycle from time to time! I'll ride this one out as well and not fight it, just let it run its course. F---ing hate it though but best to embrace it openly and move on through.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
I got a few minutes here! My W.'s reson for leaving is the same thing, but I think it's a diversion. That stuff, while important, is not what makes a marriage. did she ever TELL you what she wanted? Probably NOT. we're not Fu*king mindreaders, but that doesn't stop them. I think marcum is married to my W.! Spots on the dishes=You'll never change! such important items! WTF?
They just DON"T know! how many times the C asked H "what do you want to happen, what would you like things to be like?" nothing. I asked him back in FEb before the D bomb "what do you want, look inside?" nothing ARGHH!!!!! no 'I want to have a family, be happy, have an R', nothing! he just knew he wasn't satisfied with what I gave him, that's all.
I too hate the stupid cycles cat, when the anger turns into depression--but I bet this cycle this time around is milder, they will loose power on you cat, and you will be able to move faster through them.
One foot in front of the other Cat, it will be alright)))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Yep just like the song from that Christmas show, "just put one foot in front of the other and soon you'll be walking out the door!" So yes it's all good right now. I just had to vent a good bit.
Saturday was D10's b-day party at a rock climbing center. So we were enjoying watching the girls and marveling at D10s abilities. My wife looked at me and asked if I'd like to join then next time they go climbing. At first I said possibly but later she asked again and I said sure, just let me know next time y'all go. She said something about possibly tonight but I have yet to hear a word about it.
Sunday she emailed me about having dinner with some very close friends who wanted to give D10 her birthday gift. So our two families went to our favorite pizza parlor, a place we all have had many a dinner together. It felt great and if you didn't know better you'd have thought we were two happy families.
Then this morning we have chapel at school and low and behold who shows up and sits with me, yep my wife. Honestly I was struggling with this because for whatever reason I was fighting a bit of anger again. In the end I was able to just sit there and enjoy the fact that we were together at least for this brief time.
So I've been slowly and surely getting better and better. After 16 months I'm doing pretty well. I have no idea where we are going and I'm finally getting ok with that. For a bit earlier this year I had given up and started exploring options. Now I have decided it's time to re-read Divorce Remedy for myself to help me continue to heal my heart and give our family a chance. She's not filed and has made some comments about not looking to either. Maybe I can get a good bit further down that path in a short amount of time. Maybe we can make some strides, I'm not expecting it, not even hoping for it. All I know is I have to continue to work to be the best catfan I can be.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
a man handy in the kitchen/laundry/pet-kids upkeep is as exotic to me as a lamma, that is a LOT to be doing around the house!