To Peace!

[Jeanette1120]

Kiki...Spring Break started today. Since I am an admin in the office....I don't really know what Spring Break is My boss does

Here i go again. Spinning around and around. It's so hard to live this way. Yes, I am thankful for all Rich does to keep this house going. I don't understand it, but I am thankful.

I'm also very tired. Yes, I have a life, but it's truly hard to actually GAL when your still tied to the old one.

Today, I sent another email, along with a text. The text said: Rich, we need to talk. If you have a spare hour this coming week pencil me in, I will be there.

He replied: Sure! No problem, I wil call you when I get off work.

I replied: Great! Call me whenever. But I want to meet face to face, you pick the time, call me when your ready.

He called today at 6:30pm. You talk about nervous blubbering speaking I don't know what to say to him anymore. I had just pulled into my driveway and my son and his friend were working on his amps. His friend saw my amps and we had an "Amp Off. I won. Sad but true, I have two 12's and a 10 in my truck.

Anyway, Rich and I were talking about nothing for a bit, then he had an incoming call and appoligized and said he would call me back. Yeah......right. He did. He said he would like to meet tomorrow but he works the late shift and it would be in the morning....I said thats fine but you have a long way to drive and I am really trying not to incomvenience you. He then said he knows I like my morning time so it was all good, but WEDNESDAY would be great....it's great for me simply because I have nothing else to do, so we agreed on Wednesday eve.

Now here is the weird part. He was not at home, he was going to an appt. He kept saying he could not find the address....then he said You do not know how frustrating my life is right now

I'm sorry, but I threw DB'ing to the wind and laughed for 5 minutes. He said in his most snarkyist voice, I'm sorry you find it so funny that my life is frustrating ........hehehehe......I said No honey, I do believe your life is frustrating, so is mine. I can't embelish upon your frustrations as I know nothing about them, neither do you of mine. Hell, my neighbors life is frustrating, life is frustrating......deal with it. He actually laughed

So then I said I have to go....he said I'll call you later! I said not....just meet me Wednesday, thats all i ask. He said Ok, then ended the convo with another "I'll call you later".

Now, I want to see the humor in this. I yearn to find this funny. I want to laugh in his face. His frustrations are not of my doing. My frustrations are because I am sitting here like some stupid fool waiting for the impossible. HE IS MARRIED. I think. I have no proof. He will not say yes or no. I asked.

When he wanted to leave I was against it. 2.5 years later, I want to leave, he stops me. This is so unhealthy, yet I keep going back to "when they wake up".

Grrrr........sigh, .........all I want is just a little bit of peace. Thats it. The rest I can deal with.

Ok, update over. Meeting Wednesday. I'm sure he'll cancel with some lame excuse before then as usual. It is is MO.

Hugs,

Jeanette