He sent me a text saying fine I will go there tonight. I called and asked that he speak to me on the phone not text me about important things. I then asked if he wanted me to pack his things and he could pick them up on his way down there. He was taken aback. I know that this has been discussed before and now he is shocked that I would like him to leave.
H - That is what you want? Me - you will not stop having an affair? H- Why do you think I'm having an affair???
(Can he really be this out of it - or think that I am. I do not believe that anyone can be a friend after they had sex, but second would you call just a friend from our vacation or at 4:30 in the morning before we leave on our drive?)
H - I just like talking to her sometimes... this is his only explanation.
H - what do you want me to say.
My response - I want you to say, I love you I have always loved you, I am sorry, I made a mistake and I would do anything to take it back and will do anything in my power to fix it because you and D are the most important people to me in the world. But I know you aren't going to say that so I would love it if you could just be honest and say what you are feeling.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
OMG, My H said basically the same thing to me..He kept saying It was their relationship and if they wanted to remain friends I needed to stay out of it. He also said " what kind of relationship do you think I can have if I'm home on all of my days off now?" But he still managed to see her an hour here or there and text her all night while he was at work. It may have ended eventually but I could not take anymore. So I threw him out..the next day he was on the phone crying and begging to come home..Now I only pray he doesn't go back..It's a vicious cycle and its so hard to understand how someone who once claimed to love me forever and would never hurt me can easily do so now and not give it a thought.Stay strong Neecy and do what you think is best. However I would make sure his parents know the truth, might help him wake up from his little fantasy.
Me: 36 H: 34 2 D's: 10+13 Married: 13 yrs(Together 15) Found out about A-Jan 08 Finally ended April 08..I hope?? Struggling to co-exist in peace
Thinking of you - sounds like things are really starting to move. I'm sure it's scary. It sounds like it's time for you to be firm though.
Listen, this is going to be extremely painful because it may take him some time to realize the consequences. You need to take care of yourself. Be sure you GAL - this is about you being happy. He can either share in that or not.
It is scary. He came home for a bit and basically sat there saying nothing - his MO - while I made many comments that he sometimes had snippy remarks for sometimes saying think what you want. He then packed his toothbrush, shaving cream and razor and claimed he was going to sleep in the car in the parking lot of his work...I told him he was an idiot and he needed to go tell his parents now.
So he claims that is where he is going.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
H left to go to his parents, I told him I would call there in a half hour to speak to his mother to make sure she understood my position and that I have worked at this for months.
About 10 min after he left he sent me a text, "do not call my parents they don't need this right now" I responded - who does?
H - no one.
He "drove around" for about a half hour and came back home. I told him I hope he doesn't think this is going to be the same as last month where he said he was going to talk to D and then after about 3 days started acting as if everything was ok again and it is only if I bring it up that it is an issue.
Because my mom is watching D early today and tomorrow morning she asked if she can have a sleep over tonight. So we will be alone to discuss, what needs to be discussed. I don't think H has the ability to tell his parents so I will have to.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
More quotes from the quote lady at work - today as well as April Fools is Reconciliation Day
True reconciliation is never cheap, for it is based on forgiveness which is costly. Forgiveness in turn depends on repentance, which has to be based on an acknowledgment of what was done wrong, and therefore on disclosure of the truth. You cannot forgive what you do not know. ~ Archbishop Desmond Tutu
"Many promising reconciliations have broken down because while both parties come prepared to forgive, neither party come prepared to be forgiven." ~ Charles Williams
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
His anxiety over his parents being exposed is the very reason you need to do it, in my opinion. Use what leverage points you can. SOMEBODY needs to bring some additional pressure to bear upon the situation.
Exposing my wife's affair to her parents was a KEY, POWERFUL component in her deciding to end it. As much as she had hurt ME, it was the disapproval of her parents and our adult daughters that she cared the most about.
Neecy, I agree with Puppy (as usual). If what he was doing was right, he wouldn't have a problem with them knowing.
I'm going to tell my MIL this weekend. Christmas Eve we were at MIL's house and our DS15 was telling about one of his teachers being on "happy pills". MIL asked what made her need them. DS15 tells of a couple of trauma's in her life but the last straw was when she came home and found her hubby in bed with another woman. This teacher then tried to run him over with her car. MIL says "Good, he deserves it". And get this, WW chimes in "yeah, got that right". How can waywards sit there an act like it's ok for them to do it, but no one else?
Tell the parents. Don't tell him you're going to do it. Don't give him a chance to spin some lame story to them before you tell.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
The will know, but I won't go there without telling him. I am actually going to ask him tonight if he wants to go together. I don't think he can do it but he can sit there while I do it so he doesn't have to question what I told them.
He only told one person, his best friend and he had to drink all day to do it and then still only glossed over the story it was about the one time sex not about the hundreds of texts and phone calls. He told him he screwed up and cheated on me, this is not the same as that.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
It sounds like you're on the right path, neecy. It's unfortunate that you have the "pull the trigger" but I don't see any way around it - you've got to follow through. This just may be what he needs.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
