Confused as Ever

[girlfromipanema]

Wearing a dress and heels today, doing a lot for my PMA, I am sure H will question who I'm wearing it for, hmm..... ME!

Hi Neecy,

My first response to your thread. I couldn't resist letting you know your comment quoted above put a BIG smile on my face. You should take yourself shopping for several new dresses and some super sexy high heeled shoes. Get yourself a mani/pedi. Send yourself some flowers...

Have a lovely weekend.
girl

[Snow White]

Hello Girl F I and welcome to my thread! I am glad I could make you smile. I had a lovely facial today at an Aveda spa that I won on the radio.

I did end up going out to dinner - with my parents - for free.

On the way home I was very, very close to hitting a deer, i saw the first one in front of me slammed on my breaks squeeling rubber, the second one wiped out and slid across the street on its side and fell over the side of the hill and the thrid actually turned around and ran the other way. Scary.

[Snow White]

You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you. ~ James Allen

The greatest choice we have is to think before we act and then take action toward our life goals every day. Our problems result not only from our lack of action, but from our action without thought. ~ Denis Whaitley

[karen43]

Thanks for the quotes, Neecy!!! How was your weekend? Good I hope!!! Karen

[Snow White]

Thanks for the quotes, Neecy!!! How was your weekend? Good I hope!!! Karen

My weekend was good, ups and downs. Used to be all downs.

Saturday I had a decent day(H worked all day), went to the inlaws house with D4, they have been gone since Jan to Fl and really for the entire situation since the bomb. They are clueless except for when we met up with them in Disney my father(who I have told nothing) questioned them on what was going on between us since I was so down. We had a nice visit with them, D was so excited to see her grandma. I got to watch a slide show of their pictures and I was struck a little emotional showing all the fun they were having at the "villages" they have never really seemed to get along, very snippy with one another however, then have been married 47 years. I looked at the pictures thinking my H refuses to commit to today.

Came home, set the timer on the stove to stay away from the computer so I could actually get some stuff done around the house, this worked well. I had plans to go to a musical/play with my sister in the evening. H came home and during supper started talking about a situation at work, I asked how he knew this knowing what the answer would be. His response OW told me. I know I was backsliding, but I went off on do we really need to have her as part of every conversation. His response was I told you a month ago I was still going to talk to her. My reponse was - and what did I tell you. I swear I think my H db's me better than I db him and he never read the book. He can avoid R talks and he spends all his days acting "as if". I gave him some more direct - so non db questions - what are we doing here - are we staying married ect. His response I am not discussing this again. I went to get ready for the play and he rec'd a call on his cell from an employee at his store the conversation went back and forth and he got aggitated and the other employee hung up on him. He came into the bathroom and said I have to go up to the store and talk to X I'll be back.

Helloooo, I am leaving in an hour you have to watch D. He said -- I'll call my mom and off he went. I sat down at the computer and wrote an very brief non-DB email.

"I know you do not like to talk butI have some questions that need some answers."

1. Are you still in love with me?
2. Do you want to remain married?
3. What are you willing to do to remain married?

It has been 3 months since I found out about OW, it has been 1 month since you said you would not stop contacting her and we discussed separation. If you cannot see yourself with just one woman I am not the woman for you. I will not be bullied into not discussing this.


I then sent him a text stating that I had sent the email and expected a response. If he chose not to or could not be bothered responding that it was time that he should have a serious talk with his mother when she came over to watch D.


I went to the play and had a great, I mean wonderfully great time. I have not laughed that hard in so long, tears streaming most of the time.

Come out of the play there was a text from H asking if the play was over yet, and saying he was taking D for a drive because she was acting up ever since the grandparents left. I sent him one back since I had no keys but he was already back home. He sent me another joking about being home watching porn. Acting "as if".

I got home he was plesant and I asked if he responded to the email, no spent the whole night taking canre of D she was hyper after G&G left, I will respond tomorrow. I woke up the next morning left to get coffees - I usually wait till he wakes up and he goes but I went and let D wake him up which I knew she would as soon as I was out the door. He questioned how long I was gone - half hour - responded I thought that is how long it took. (he had been going and calling OW in the past). I had gone for gas and the mail, none of his business.

After the coffee I decided to go for a walk. Walked around the big block, when I returned he had responded to my email with "whatever, you are too funny"

I questioned this and he said I will respond later. Later in the day when I went out again he sent me antoher email, attached to the email that I sent saying "what were the questions again??"

Honestly I know you are all reading this and think he is the biggest ass and he problably is but he is just so hard to read. He does not want to address any relationship issues but outside of the fact that I know what happened, he is back to the person he always was and is acting to me like he always did but as if this other part did not exist, or that it can be laughed off.

I mentioned to him that if he cannot address this with me I am going to expose what happened to his parents. He does not believe me and referred to me as Miss AT(all talk).


We did have a brief discussion about separating and I tell you it is like the discussions you have about if I win the million tonight. It is well I would like the TV, and I would like this. He made some comment about wanting the roman blind in the bedroom because he paid for it out of his winnings in a football pool. I agreed and said I would redo the bedroom, paint, bedding ect because it would be to wierd to continue on with other people in the same room I was with him. Well all of a sudden - he was in shock, you would bring someone here? I said I am not talking about tomorrow but if we are no longer together I will continue to have a life. He said a one night stand(not that I mentioned a one night stand ), you aren't like that you are not a whore.

Well - that is where the calm, stupid conversation ended. No, I am not like that, I am a wife, I wanted to be a wife for the rest of my life, we are talking about if YOU decided to leave for another woman, a woman who when I had the nerve to refer to as a WHORE you said I was not a nice person and you could not believe I would say such a thing. Now you call me that if I chose as a single person to have relations with another single person. It is not with a married man on the couch of my boyfriend's house!

Then Law and Order became very fascinating for both of us.

OK so there it is. Ring on the criticism of all the garbage I brought on myself this weekend.

[Snow White]

Well my husband responded to my email

I do still love you

I don't know (do you want to continue with this marriage?)

I am not changing (what are you willing to do to continue with this marriage?)

I thanked him for the effort he put into his responses.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Neecy,

If it were me, I would respond:

1. I still love you, too. But I think I'm learning that I no longer NEED you, and my LOVE for you is fading every day that you continue to have a relationship with your girlfriend.

2. That's fine, so long as you know that -- over time -- NO decision IS, in fact, a decision. And you also need to know that my patience is not limitless.

3. Thank you for providing that clarity; that helps me with my decision-making. I appreciate your honesty.

And then I would go and expose to his parents, immediately.

Puppy

[Snow White]

Hey Puppy,
I wish I had read your response first, sounds a lot better than mine:



Thanks for all the care you put into your responses.

I think if you cannot imagine your life without "OW"you should start imagining your life without me.


Oh and I do think you should talk to your parents, I am not all talk but it is your story to tell. If we are to stay together I am ok with them not knowing but I will not sit and lie to them while you call and see your other woman constantly. I felt sick today when your dad asked me who the new manager of the F E store was, I could hardly get it out.

If you take off in a fit of anger instead of talking to me that will be the first place I go, I am sick of living a lie.

[girlfromipanema]

neecy,

(((((((((HUGS))))))))))

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Actually, Neecy, that was pretty damned good. LOVED your opening line!

I would give him a deadline on talking to his parents: "Look, this is yours to tell, but I won't continue to lie to him. In 30 days, I'm telling them the truth."

Or some such.