Help me act AS IF, Thread 4

[newnamenewlife]

Thanks, Grace and NG. It helps, always, to hear from you guys and my other friends here!

I dunno--it's all so crazy. H is so weird and cold most of the time, but then we also laugh and have fun together and it seems like he is making a huge, life-altering deal out of nothing. I don't get why he is SO opposed to trying to make our M work when it seems like we could in a heartbeat if we both wanted to.

I am so prone to feeling guilty and to beating myself up that now I feel like he's angry at me for being uncooperative with his whole separation idea. He literally seems surprised and kind of resentful that I would resist busting up our M and our family and that I'm not willing to tell the kids it's a mutual decision (though I've said I wouldn't badmouth him, just want him to own that it's his wish to leave the M.)

I feel like an innocent person who is being forced to admit to a crime I didn't commit.

Today is exactly 19 years since H and I went on a ski weekend with another couple and fell in love. We went as friends and started dating after the weekend. It was SO fun. I would do anything to go back in time and re-live that weekend. I would never have thought it would come to this--but then, who does?