H never came back 5

[AliSuddenly]

Hi Michelle, well I'm sorry you saw all that stuff, god I thin kyour marvellous for handling it, I'm not sure I could have. No wonder you are mad at him! At least he covered it up, yes!

It sounds to me like he was just being a bloke...he wasnt thrilled she was coming, he wanted to see you, he told you he may break up with her...then she arrives and what does he do? The cowardly thing...you and him are broken up and its a big deal to come back to you, thats a big reversal of a decision. Meanwhile hes got some girl handing it to him on a plate and he just took it...whislt if she REALLY knew that he had spent time with you (and some!) and what he'd done and the things he'd said, she probably would have gone nuts at her! I think I am saying that I reckon he just used her for a week or two there as that was easier to just leave everything as is, and then let her fly off again. I guess he chickened out of ending it.

I think you are probably acting quite cool and whatever around him, and on the IM and he may well be confused by that and also, he seemed to assume you were going on a date the other night. He may have thought you'd got blown out by the other guy and maybe thats why he was sulky..huh, well why should I step in then, be second choice?

SOunds like you do need a bit of an honest chat, but you are too upset at the moment so it probably wouldnt go well. Wait till you are less emotional? Or wait for him to contact you? And definetly NOT on IM..if he starts a conversation over IM, I'd make sure he knows you want to have the conversation (i.e dont say, oh gotta go!) but tell him explicitly you'd like to talk to him face to face and not over IM. Dont let him get away with doing it on IM or email as that is also cowardly.

I think your H is being a bit weak at the moment and wants the easy route. I dont imagine he has a big love for that OW at all.

Ali xxx

[klm]

I agree with Jeff that maybe he is thinking he won't have to decide because eventually one of you will dump him. My H has the same MO...rather than breaking up with people...he pushed them to the point of breaking up with him.

I can't remember...did he ever come out and say he was breaking things off with OW?

Good that she didn't meet his family. Maybe he knew how they would react. I really feel like the guilt is setting in with him now.

[Starshyne]

I would have had to say something about seeing that stuff. Good for you for keeping your cool on the outside.

sara

[MichelleLT]

It was hard to bite my tongue, but I am proud of myself.

I am kind of wondering the same thing about him waiting for one of us to dump him. It really boggles my mind that she hasn't found someone over in England and hooked up with them and dumped H. Of course, maybe she has minus the dumping part lol. At any rate, I suspect I'm stubborner and I've been in this for the long-haul for a number of years now, so I'm not going to give up that easily.

I am starting to pull out of my emotional bottom from last night and this morning and able to definitely see the positives. Plus, she's gone again! Which means I have a couple MONTHS to DB my butt off - there's no way she can compete with that!

[jon2911]

I suspect I'm stubborner and I've been in this for the long-haul for a number of years now, so I'm not going to give up that easily.

I am starting to pull out of my emotional bottom from last night and this morning and able to definitely see the positives.

I love your attitude! Hopefully I can pull out as well. Hang in there. I'm sure you've already read this, but it seems to perfectly apply to you right now:
http://divorcebusting.com/a_while_spouse_decides.htm

[MichelleLT]

That is a really good article. It's always nice to be reminded of things like that.

Went running (2 miles) and did some weights this evening. I'm beat, but it feels really good to be back working out. I think tomorrow I'm gonna up my mileage since I can run two miles and not have my quads/calves want to go on strike the next day lol.

[AliSuddenly]

Wow, thats an amazing article, that totally summed up (better than I could!) what I have been trying to do, especially this bit I challenged myself to be her truest and most devoted friend. The more I challenged myself and lived up to the challenge, the more inner power I gained. Friendship........empathy, being there without criticism, being non-judgmental.....this is unconditional friendship.
Amazing! Although my "enemy" to us getting back together is depression, not an OW.

Michelle, I am glad you are feeling better. You are in a horrible position, but it is massively positive that he wanted to spend a whole evening with you as soon as she was gone and the wheels had barely left the tarmac! I'd be encouraged by that.

And if only I were as fit and sporty as you!

Ali xxx

[klm]

Good job on the running!

I think you have a great attitude and do a great job at staying positive.

[Sugar and Spice]

Glad to see that you are staying positive and I'm proud of you for keeping your mouth shut too! You are doing a great job and keep up the good work.

I would leave him alone and let him do some soul searching and then approach the talk.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

[MichelleLT]

I think I'll give him a week and a half and see about talking to him next weekend.

Still figuring out what I really need to say.

And keeping busy. Although that won't be difficult with a paper due next week lol.