You still need to talk and I think your a little scared. You will feel much better if you get it out in the open. Be calm cool and collected and state the boundries you need for you. What he does is up to him. Like OT said you have your room. It still sounds hopeful though and the contact is getting less but, it's still there and needs to be addressed.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
I flip flopped all weekend due basically to fear - both $$ and hearing something I don't want to hear. I'm working on getting the courage to do it. The more I think about it I really don't think he'd run - yes he's talked about it before but it isn't likely right now. He's just gotten his race license and is heavily focused on getting started with a career in racing. I'm helping him put together proposals for sponsors right now. As we've worked on it together he's been talking about how a lifelong dream is finally starting to come true for him (and he talks a lot about how I'm helping that happen).
So... I am working on it. Thanks for your thoughts, 2x4s, and help getting this into perspective for me. I know I need to do this and sooner rather than later.
ST That's a good idea to try a scenario with kids in the picture - it would probably help him understand better. I did already tell him he's welcome to take it somewhere else to have them double check it if he wants. I think I sounded a little bit defensive but caught myself, and followed it with "I am pretty sure I did everything right but I'm no tax expert so we can ask the pros if you want."
Yes the dinner was great!! Lots of fun.
The ski thing - well, it could have been anytime between November and about a month (or now that I think about it more like 6 weeks probably) ago. October was the last of the 'big' bombs and when I was looking for a place to live and he was going out with all his sep/D'd friends all the time. Nov-Dec were the awkward holidays where I had a friend over for Thanksgiving and was obviously excluded from all the Christmas stuff w/his family. January was shaky but better - late Jan - February things started to really look up and have improved (at least, from my perspective) since then. So, it's entirely possible it was during a time when we were talking sep, and before he was telling me where he was going and who with.
H Thanks for checkin in! Think I answered your question already...
JAK A little scared?? Terrified is probably closer, and I know it's not rational. You're right, getting it out in the open will probably be a huge relief. Honestly for both of us - me finally expressing it, and him not having to wonder why I'm staring off into space contemplating "what now?" so often.
He actually talked yesterday (half seriously) about quitting his job again. I would SO love that. It's not a boundary for me IF he can manage the "coworker contact only" - but I would still absolutely love it if he didn't even work anywhere near her. I think it'd be easier for him to move past whatever it is that's going/gone on, and easier for me to start trusting again. Anyway.. that's way beyond the talk I need to have with him about the pic, just a little happy thought I wanted to share.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
