As we have discussed, trusting and "handing it over" to God is a life-long process.
It's not easy. I struggle with this daily.
Here's how you can start. Begin from the very beginning.
I think, Frank, you need to get out of your house for about 3 hours by yourself, when the girls are in school. Find a place where you can be alone. God is everyhwere, but sometimes, a specific location can seem more numinous. Try a Catholic Church since they are usually open and quiet during the day. Maybe try a mountain.
Sit, try kneeling if you can handle it.
Acknowledge God's presence.
Hold you hands out and tell God you are handing him your 2 daughters and your wife. Name them.
Then tell God you are trusting him with your own life.
Let him you are at your wit's end.
Admit you can't fix it.
Ask for his forgivness for all the ways you honestly believed you have hurt yourself, your wife and your daughters.
Someone has taken the hit in your place -- Jesus. Whatever justice that should have been dealt to you because of all the crap you caused was absorbed by him. And in return, he offers you his forgiveness and his abundant life. We're not talking God's love in the abstract or airy-fairy forgiveness. We are talking atonement. We are talking about a mercy that does not overlook justice.
Sit with that thought. Accept it, embrace it. Pour out your pain, remorse and brokenness on Jesus. He can take it. He can swallow whatever death and darkness you deal to him. He counters your crap with his love. His resources are eternal. His grace will overwhelm you like a tidal wave. He doesn't quit on us.
Then remind him that you are entrusting yourself and your family to him. Tell him you would like your wife to turn around. Tell him will be deeply sad if your wife leaves, but you are willing to begin to really live for yourself and for your girls. And of course, you are going to live for Him.
