I think it might be time........

[Michael Mc C]

I know you both on a personal level and this is a difficult one to provide any advice on. I will instead simply give you a glimpse of my past.

Prior to our current sitch, 3.5 years ago I think, my wife decided that she needed to do something she had never done before - go out on her own and see what life was like. We have been together since she was 17 and I was 18.

She moved out of our house (3 kids) and into her mother's home. We did as much as we could to share time with the children. It was the worst moment, up to that point, in our marriage.

After 2 months of me doing all the non-DB stuff (never heard of DB'ing) I came to the realization that all I was doing was delaying the inevitable - reconciliation or divorce.

I backed off. She continued with school. She began calling me for help with her studying, to spend time together with the kids and eventually just to spend time with me.

We began dating and really had a chance to see how we both have grown.

W moved back in (her idea) and we had the best 2 years of our marriage...

Unfortunately we let it go with the moving back in. We didn't change anything as far as our communication goes and I am CONFIDENT that this is why we ended back up in turmoil.

With that said, we both look back at those few months of separation as being the best thing that could have happened for us. That relatively short amount of time spent apart was a worthwhile investment in US. We needed space to breath, to think and to grow. My wife was adamant that she was not in search of a new love, she was in search of herself.

One caveat: Our children still remember the day their mother left. For about a year after she moved back in they voiced their concerns that any argument would end in her leaving again.

D13 was well aware of what was going on in our current situation and she confided in me that this was her biggest fear. Both her brother (8) and sister (11) went to her for reassurance that things were going to be okay.

It's mixed bag. All 5 of us were hurting when we separated but our children healed and so did we (unfortunately WE dropped the ball).