My H and I used to tell each other we didn't care if either one of us decided to date others (during our S), but the truth was, we did. When I actually started going out and dating, he put up a front like it didn't faze him. Two weeks later, he threw a HUGE tantrum and said some pretty nasty things....because he was hurt.
After finding out before Christmas time that H was actually seeing someone for the last year (he always denied it), I was hurt. Didn't think I could be after all the time that had past, but I was.
It can be very difficult for some people to accept that their S has seemed to move on.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Do you think your H was just trying to tease you a little bit about the "date?" My H will see some goofy guy on TV and tease me by saying "isn't that your old boyfriend?" I could totally see him teasing me about going on a "date" with a friend that he knew all the while wasn't a real date.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
There was no smile involved. Didn't get much of a joking vibe off him. Although it probably would have diffused more tension if I had treated it as so.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
IMHO he wasn't joking, he was fishing. He NOTICED the corset and your mention of "plans" with a "friend" made the radar go up. He was trying to play it off, but I agree with the comment earlier about him encouraging you to call your friend. He was trying to get a handle on the situation by hearing you talk to your friend. You can tell a lot by tone of voice and body language.
It sounds really positive though, he seemed to jump at the chance to go out with you and it lasted a long time, so that is really encouraging! Yay you and the Slasher won't be returning until June, that gives you some real time to work some magic. Thats awesome!
Just wanted to drop by and see what happened, so I'm glad you had a good night. Take care. Corey
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
I think there were a lot of positives in your evening with H! He was probably jealous about the "date" and figured that you were wearing the corset for him. He can't seem too interested...especially if you are about to hang out with someone else...not good for his ego I guess.
You said that he was distant...I think this could be guilt. He just spent time with OW and now he is spending time with you. It is probably good that he is distant and not just able to go from one to the other with it not affecting him at all. Does that make sense? It could have also been guilt because maybe he didn't get the nerve to break it off with OW and he had led you to believe he was going to.
No R talk could also be a good thing too. You don't want to have a R talk everytime he sees you. It is draining and stressful. If he thinks he is going to have to have a R talk everytime he sees you...he will probably start to dread seeing you or avoid seeing you. I think this happened to me and my H at one point.
Remeber to look at the positives and the baby steps!!
Well, from what I've heard...they had a great time and had a hard time making it out of bed to do much of anything. And no, he didn't break it off with her.
So I darn well hope he's eaten up with guilt.
And he initiated the last R talk, I haven't tried to talk him about anything serious in months and months. So I don't know why he'd be worried about that. Although I am very tempted to follow up on that talk and ask what happened. Although in reality, his silence only verified the gossip I heard.
Oh, and she left a pair of heels and a bag with garter belt clips and a thong hanging out of it on the floor by his dresser. I guess she forgot to get all her stuff when she left. Either that or she's leaving more crap to stake out her territory as if the printer and a book and a blanket weren't enough. At least he had the decency to toss his shirt over it when he changed so I didn't have to stare at all her slutty crap during the movie.
It just really hit me last night. All the frustration and anger. I really can't imagine what's going through his head that he didn't even say anything about her. I mean, he has to know I'm curious whether he followed through or not. So why can't he just tell me he didn't so I can at least know and have it confirmed that I'm correct with feeling stupid and used? Not to mention horny. *headdesk*
Last edited by MichelleLT; 03/31/0807:13 PM.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Don't be so quick to make assumptions. He was still out with you the first chance he got and maybe his silence has more to do with him trying to figure things out and not a verification of gossip.
Just keep doing what you have been. It seems like its working and you are really giving him food for thought.
Have a great day! Hugs to you! ((((Michelle))))
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Ouch. I am sorry about that. I commend you for not losing it. I know I would have if I had seen her stuff there. I only saw a picture and I lost it.
Do you think it is clear to him that you want to work on your M? I know there was one IM conversation where he said you had said some things to make him believe you were ok with D.
I am going out on a limb here...but what do you think would happen if you did bring up the R? What if you did tell him how much it hurts that he is with OW? Like you said, lately...other than this past weekend...he has initiated most contact as well as talks. Maybe he feels you are ambivalent at this point?? Just an idea to shake things up a bit.
There is something there. He isn't done. If he was, there is no way that he would have gone out with you the other night especially so soon after OW left. I wish she knew that he did that...although, people may tell her things just as they tell you things.
I posted my comment before you edited, but I still stand by it. I do agree with klm that a R talk may just be what you need at this point. It lets him know you are still interested and will give you an idea of where his head is at.
Sorry about the stuff she left, but she must be feeling insecure as well or she wouldn't have needed to. H must have felt bad or wouldn't have thrown a shirt over it.
If it was me, I'd probably have "the talk", but as you well know, I'm not very good at keeping my mouth shut...
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
