day by day

[Gypsy]

Ohhh ms llllllllllllllllllllllll

What a zit he is.

That just sounds sooooooooooo funny.. and such a good way to get some oomph in there.

You're sounding more riled.

I know when I heard the rumor something snapped. My urge to understand him shut down while a flick of anger wanted to lash out. As long as I thought he was struggling alone it wasn't as bad. Thinking that someone else was there felt like such a betrayal.

I have to think, based on my recent turn of events, that is it better not to focus, not to fume, not to let the rumor or reality of OW derail me from rediscovering me. Perhaps it is naive, but it sure beats living in that cesspool of anger that is so hard to climb out of.

What do you do to dispel your rage?

*hugs*

[Hope_11]

Hi lwb,

Just stopping by to say hi. Sorry to hear things are still going...ugh...the same. He's the one losing out.

Things are going good...yes, I said good for me. I met someone with some great potential. I'm even taking him as my date to a wedding next week....a huge step for me.

Hang in there.

[SueS]

Its tough being 21 yrs old when you are almost 36, married, a full time demanding job, 2 kids, oh and a girlfriend.

I am embarrassed for him, that he is this tired.

I continue to wonder/process why I miss a man that disappoints me so much....

Hi lwb-

I didn't get to post, but did lurk a little this weekend. I'll say it again. I'm sorry. You're first quote really hits home. How can they do this to their children? Continue to disappoint them? I just don't get it.

Gypsy- I love what you've written to lwb. The only thing is with some OW's, I think it's harder to not see them as more a part of the problem. Yes, we all had issues in our M's. If we didn't, our S's may not have been so open to an A. It's just that with some of the OW's, they knew us too. They met us, they met our children, yet the chose to continue and grow the A. I try to put her out of my mind. I truly do. With someone I've never met, they don't know me. I can see how they could believe everything my H tells them. But in this case, she knows I'm not an evil person. Maybe I wasn't the best wife I could have been, but I'm not the worst either. I remember telling her how upset I was because my H hadn't come home until 4:00 am. She asked me how I felt. I told her that the first thing I thought about was our D4 and what I'd tell her if something had happened to him. Then I told her that I was angry, but worried.....that I wouldn't worry if I didn't love him. She knew I loved my H, yet she continued this A and has pulled not only her own family apart (H & 4 kids), but mine as well. Yes, my H had an equal part in this. I do not put all blame on her, but she does share in this.

lwb- I'm sorry for hijacking. Just a tough weekend, not feeling well and I'm having a bit of a pity party this morning.

I hope you're doing okay today. Are you getting any rain/snow? It's coming down (snow) pretty hard right now.

I'm sorry about the party thing for your H too. He invited you? So, there might be another woman there, but he invited you? I'm confused. How did he expect to handle that situation......lwb, meet so & so....so & so, meet lwb (my wife). H pulls the same kind of crap with me as it seems alot of S's do on here. This past summer we went to see Prince perform. H had suggested we go spend the night at a hotel. It sounded great and I wish we would have. However, Sue would have had to pay for everything. It was right around the 4th of July, everything was super expensive and I had other bills due. H said....no problem, no worries....we'll spend the night another time. Okay! The day of the concert, H got loaded. My parents were in town to watch D4 for us. H gets angry with me, tells me that if I don't want to go, he can find someone "fun" that will want to go and reams me for not getting the hotel room. WHAT???? Didn't know at the time that his A was just really getting started. It was down hill after that.

Take care and have a great day.

[karen43]

I am embarrassed for him, that he is this tired. I did the math this week and he spent about 10 hours with the kids while they were awake. He has three full days off too. How sad what he is missing out at the moment. I can only hope for their sake he realizes it soon. If not, then his loss. What a zit he is.

I continue to wonder/process why I miss a man that disappoints me so much....

Yeah, what you said!!! My H is starting to realize I think that his relationship with the kids has been suffering b/c of not spending time with them. At first he blamed me but he has been making more of an effort to spend time with the kids so I think he is realizing that he needs to do that if he wants to have a good relationship with them of course. Hopefully your H will realize that also!!! And yeah, it is his loss if he doesn't!!! Karen

[karen43]

[quote=SueS The only thing is with some OW's, I think it's harder to not see them as more a part of the problem. Yes, we all had issues in our M's. If we didn't, our S's may not have been so open to an A. It's just that with some of the OW's, they knew us too. They met us, they met our children, yet the chose to continue and grow the A. I try to put her out of my mind. I truly do. [/quote]

Sue, I had that in my case also and just don't understand it. I do think the OW's in our case are such uncaring jerks, and can't believe the H's won't realize this eventually and why would you want to be with someone like that??? I don't get it!!! Karen

[saffie]

OW in my sitch was like that too. I dislike her intensley and she had better watch out if she is ever near me.

[Gypsy]

My my, lwb.. your thread certain provokes lively discussions!

Having your spouse escape to another's arms, heart mind etc is a betrayal like no other. Women must be hardwired to experience this action so deeply.

Now.. I like to think of it as parallel to a man's erection. When a guy sees a curvaceous creature oozing sensuality, licking her tongue slowly over her moist glossy lips while leaning over as the rounded breasts are revealed.. he comes to attention. He's born with a built in babe barometer.

Yet, he learns to manage his natural reaction with what's important and vital to his life. I tell you, I would never want a penis. At least women's sensual thoughts aren't as obviously revealed.

It's your choice how you deal with it. What is important and vital to your life? What will make you a better person. Getting mad makes sense, but then what? A life lived in anger is like asking for gangrene of the soul.

He's a schmuck for running away from the problems. We're all at fault for not addressing the issues. A good friend, a best friend being part of the betrayal means.. that person wasn't a best friend. The attraction was like water, seeping in, eroding resolve until the escape seemed so much better than the reality.

Remember, as someone wise told me. You are the stable one. Your spouse isn't. Stability comes from facing truths, realizing you can't (nor should you) control another's actions. Having a focus of perpetual anger and hurt damages you, far more than him or her. They have their own brambles to be shredded by. Take care of yours.

*hugs*

[Yoyowife]

How can they do this to their children? Continue to disappoint them? I just don't get it.

Gypsy- I love what you've written to lwb. The only thing is with some OW's, I think it's harder to not see them as more a part of the problem. Yes, we all had issues in our M's. If we didn't, our S's may not have been so open to an A. It's just that with some of the OW's, they knew us too. They met us, they met our children, yet the chose to continue and grow the A. I try to put her out of my mind. I truly do. With someone I've never met, they don't know me. I can see how they could believe everything my H tells them. But in this case, she knows I'm not an evil person. Maybe I wasn't the best wife I could have been, but I'm not the worst either.

As we have read most affairs are between people who know each other well, usually a coworker or someone who is in their social circle. As in my case it was H's secretary. She was married, (2nd marriage by the way)and had two children, a daughter by 1st H and a son by 2nd H. She knew me and knew my children. My H knew her H and her children. Why don't they stop to think about all of the lives they will destroying to find their own "happiness"?

[Gypsy]

Who's thinking when they give into temptation, zipping down a slippery slide. It's all about the thrill, not where they land at the end.

"His Needs, Her Needs" give a very good perspective on how affairs can just happen.

*hugs*

[SueS]

Who's thinking when they give into temptation, zipping down a slippery slide. It's all about the thrill, not where they land at the end.

Gypsy- Great way to put it.

Now don't get me wrong. I meant it when I said that LOVE what you have to say. Maybe it's just the mood I'm in today that got me going so much earlier about OW. I try not to hold on to anger, but some days it's tougher than others. My H and I are still living in the same home for now, but it's hard when he comes home with obvious bite marks on his arm/chest or when I turn on the computer and there's a YouTube song staring me in the face or the links to home rentals in her area of town. She knows he's still at home with me. I guess the anger and not being able to completely let go of it comes from it being constantly rubbed in my face. As you said in an earlier post, it's about their unhappiness. And you are right. Some day when they are together, she will see it as I see it. Maybe not right away, but it will happen. My H has admitted that nothing & no one will ever make him happy until he makes himself happy. However, he's still moving on with her.

I am trying to move on as best I can. Trust me, if you ask most on here, I've gotten a lot stronger. I'm looking at new places. I'm planning on things for just D4 & I. I swore I wouldn't take off my ring until I signed D papers. Then I realized that to me, the ring became painful to even look at. It means nothing anymore than being a hunk of junk on my finger. I had to take it off to help me adjust.

I've again taken over lwb's thread. Sorry. Gypsy, feel free to add some of your wise wisdom to my thread and let me know where you are. I've been doing a lot more lurking than posting here lately and I don't know where you are.

Thanks- SueS