Well it has been a week since my last post and I have been very busy. I have been working a lot and I also have been organizing my house. I also have been talking to my kids a lot!~
A few nites ago it was as though my H called me in the middle of the nite to answer my prayers...... he said he loved me very , very much and needed me in his life and wanted me in his life and he also said he needs me to teach him more of what I KNOW and tell him what is best for OUR FAMILY.... he said he wants me to be the boss and be in charge.
I had to make sure I wasn't dreaming... By the time he called me 3 times in a ROW~ I was quite sure I was awake....
Now while I know he literally does not want me to be bossy he has given me the oppurtunity to open up so much more. And put in my input for our Family and it will be heard not taken as me on my high horse.......
Earlier that evening he frustrated me and he knew it too . I told him....
"well you call me when you have fixed all your problems* down there" " in the mean time I will let you go"
" I love you, but I have to let you go.... I would like to go to sleep without tears tonite" " so take care ..." " and call me when you can."
( which are problems he cannot fix, his MOM his SISTER and HIS Brother and HIs DAD) * you simply cannot fix people*
So when he called me he said all that beautiful stuff and he also said "I dont want you to tell me to take care I want you to love me and teach me "....?
I dunno if me being strong and loving ....
and not enabling has helped him get here or not???
~ but I will take this.
I am also going to have to work thru not losing sight of it and letting him call the shots again that is no fun.
I have to be comfortable and strong enough to call the shots too. To do whats best for us . to let him know how he can help and when he isnt......... I dunno I am thinking out loud it is all just so much to swallow at once. I have dropped the rope more or less and now he wants me to "tell him " what to do....????
I wont tell him what to do cause I dont want to control him or try to go down that dead end road again. But I do want to show him that TOGETHER we can accomplish so much. ~ TOGETHER, seperately on our own two feet , yet in love and together going towards the same Goals and being strong on our own and then together we are stellar.
~Wow can I just Babble......
I guess maybe I make no sense I am just so excited... I have waited what seems like forever for him to say what he said to me that nite..... FOREVER~
I did also tell him I will hold you to what you said, like I am holding myself to grow sexually with you and not let you down really let you feel me. I will also not forget WHAT YOU SAID TO ME OR ASKED OF ME.
I have prayed for you to say those things and show me that side of you for what seems like forever and now I will not let you try to go back to the way things were.
I do see taht me letting go and letting him confront himself has surely helped. It was hard and long............. but the results are just starting to show and I am excited and somewhat scared to see where we go in the next few months. He will be home someitme this week and I am getting ready.
I am also reading Passionate Marriage again..... and this time I need ACTION...... I need to just do it.........
I do think he has shown himself to be worthy and that he also is trying to make this better and I am seeing that is a HUGE turn on FOR ME.
Crazy but it works~
the more I let go
~the more he has fallen in love with me ( and I with him ) and put in an effort to talk to me, not at me.
