I have faith in myself to manage and thrive with the life I have, even with it's problems and imperfections. CL
Good for you, CL!
Good luck with the vacation planning!! There must be some good books you can find at the library about vacationing with a minimal amount of money (just have to convince your wife that you can have fun without over-spending!). Sounds like you just need a beach and a place to dance!!!
You mention a lot that your W is stressed out by clutter--was it created by only you, or did she help over time? As a matter of perspective, I can relate to her feeling that way--I have a hard time relaxing in clutter, and I get overwhelmed and it seems to snowball. At the same time, I don't think it's fair for her to be all down on you about it if she helped contribute to it.
Do you know where she sleeps when she 'sleeps elsewhere'?
Good luck with ther vacation plans. I think you are a wise man.
Jak, Aud, and Matilda, Nice to hear from all of you.
My W had a meltdown again over the weekend. She's pleading to take a vacation. I think I'm going to need to be flexible and have money as a secondary concern and book a trip for a week at a beach. Trying to plan a budget driving vacation would be labor intensive. Given the stress level of my W, I don't have the luxery of time. The more I negotiate the issue, the more she views it as my not wanting to go. If she went on a vacation with someone else or alone, the R would be significantly harmed. I want to have something booked so she can have something to look forward to.
I visited a travel agent this morning and she recommended Puerto Vallarta. It has a beach, a hub for activity--hopefully dancing, and is far less expensive than Hawaii. I would be willing to go there for a week. I think Hawaii would take more long-term planning.
I think managing my W's stress is the priority at this time. I can be in the house and relax. She has trouble separating herself from thinking about problems and responsibilities.
My W took the day off of work today. I advised her to do only self-care activities. I emailed her about my visit with the travel agent.
Hopefully, this will help her.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Aud, No, I don't know where she goes on her sleeping elsewhere nights. I don't think a confrontation would do me any good at this time. Hopefully, it's just a change of venue for her with a friend, and nothing more.
I'll keep trying to solve the problems I think I have influence over, keep myself involved in enjoyable activities, and negotiate with her when she proposes a solution that I consider unreasonable.
I'm a bit embarrassed when visitors discover, that we sleep in separate bedrooms (including my parents). I tend to be self-conscious as a couple in front of relatives or friends at this time. It's my issue to work on--letting others see that I have an imperfect M, and imperfect W.
CL
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Jak, I think starting the dialogue on vacation planning will help her stress level. I think she was thinking that I didn't want to go.
She doesn't seem too keen on Puerto Vallarta. It seems too much like a resort for her.
I received an email from her stating she that wants a beach and a city. We've been to Miami three times and usually have a good experience. A week in Miami may be the best option at this time. I'll let her peruse the Puerto Vallarta brochures and see what she says.
I've been dragging my feet on this vacation for the past several months, due to my job responsibilities and wondering how we're going to pay for it. She recently received part of a windfall from a deceased relative, so that takes care of the financial piece.
I'm refraining from offering her advice on what to do with the windfall. I told her that she needs to be wise with it. We're meeting with a financial planner in a few weeks, so we'll get a reality check on our progress towards retirement planning.
She complains about having the cooking job, but it's essential given her priorities. She's having an interior designer over this week to help her decide how to install new televisions in the house, and she recently spent $600 on shoes. My only indulgence at this time are my dance lessons ($30 per week for two group lessons).
She gave me the green light on beginning a vacation account. I'll start with $100 per month and likely build it to $150/month. The latter would accumulate $1800/year, enough for a yearly vacation.
CL
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
I'm glad the vacation account idea went over well. It's a great solution that is respectful of her need to get away and your need to be careful financially. Good luck with the planning--I hope it does ease some of the tension!
