Addicitive elements are indeed in an A. To the hilt. The WAS wants to do what is right but the addiction to the other person takes over. It's like a drug to them. Just as addicts do things they would not normally do, so do the WAS. Everyone of us say "I never thought this would happen to us". When it does all you can do is leave them ALONE, take care of your self and DD and wait as long as you are able or willing. Eventually, in most cases the addiction lessons as our S finds out what the OP is truly like. In my H case he has tried to break it off and tried to be sincere but has turned into a liar that I cannot beleive anymore and I have lost respect for. He says he is not with her-but there is a reason he is not with me and it is certainly none of the lame ones he tries to get me to believe. I've gotten wise in this. The OW will use whatever tools she can and will be relentless in her efforts to break him away from his family. She does not care that he is torn-only that he is with her. When he breaks away, she calls and gets the addiction going again as only they know how to do. My advise to you is to leave him entirley alone-let him see the baby when he wants to-do not try to get him to. Only let him see you living your life and being independent. Will it bring him back? Maybe. If not, you will survive. If he can never completely break away from her then you will eventually tire of it all. It's still hard. You miss what was and what could have been,but I have learned we have to live in the here and now-not dwell on the "what was." To live in the here and now is to move forward with your life and to dwell on the "what was" is to stay immobile, and you need to live life for you and your D. Try to not think of them. Push it from your mind when it comes. This is hard and takes time,but you will be able to in time. Stay strong for you and your D. She needs her Mommy. My heart goes out to you and what you are going through. It has to be one of the hardest things life deals some of us. We learn quickly in these instances that it is most certainly not fair. I wish you the best of luck, Rachael
