Man oh man.. do you have lots of balls in the air, with plates twirling.
Take a deep breath. Okay, another one.. hoooooooold it. Exhale. Now one more time.
Sometimes when things get to be too much I forget to breathe, which is bad. Our brains need lots of oxygen to work their best. My rule of thumb: When things get wild and I'm whirling, stop and breathe... really inhale and exhale, stretch. Regroup.
I'm working on getting my own life instead of following his. He can contact me. Even if it hurts, he initiated it. The anger I feel is a direct ratio to the power I give him. The pain I feel is my own, to express AND release.
Acting like Nancy Drew only makes me.. female doggish. Don't need that! I can sleuth, but so what? The biggest message was him leaving. End 'o story. Everything else is adding fuel to a fire.
You have such a beautiful way of creating symbolic gestures and meanings.. the rings, the strawberries and champagne. Why not try letting those go as a 180? If he's just been going along to appease you, why not stop doing it? Shake it up, baby!
It's like when the post partum depression came tumbling down and I had to go on meds which meant I had to give up nursing. That broke my heart because nursing was something I was really good at! What would I be if I couldn't give that to my daughter? I felt bereft.
But, she grew and thrived, she was well nourished on formula. And I realized I clung to nursing as an indicator of self worth. I would think, "Is this what I'd want my headstone to say?" and then try and focus on what made me a better person. I had to learn to branch out and not always rely on what was most comforting.
