Travel writing.. what is that, ms. g.. you get to travel and write about it? (goes weak at the knees.. a near swoon)
I read "Eat. Pray. Love" and found it enchanting. I lent it to a friend who has now made it her bible so I can't reread it!
Thanks for the encouragement, ladies. I'll wrassle a bunch of the wee tales, put them together in no particular order and then see what happens. I was in a writing group once and they said that you should send in the first three chapters. The challenge is getting someone willing to read them!
Oh yes.. and I signed up for a seminar for the week the kids and H are gone. Instead of being on the beach in FL, I'll be in the mountains on a retreat with daily hikes, yoga, and all sorts of workshops dealing with the vitality and health of midlife.
This is a 720 for me... going alone to something unknown, exploring spirituality, not asking permission and spending money and time on the intangible. It just sounds engaging. I'm really looking forward to this time!
I'm trying not to think about H. He initiated a few texts about a gift for our daughter for her upcoming Confirmation. When I was free, I'd text back. He called.. after I was done with errands, I called back and we chatted briefly about our daughter and who would contact his family to see who was coming.
By the time I called his mom and two sisters, no one could come due to length of travel, soccer championships and illness. Each family had a different issue. It all works out for a reason, and the get together will be smaller with less chance of emotional implosions.
I have to let go of feeling left out, excluded when the kids talk to their dad. But like anything I get used to the twinges, more familiar. It's like nerve endings tingling lil messages.. "Get a life.. so it hurts.. he's left.. just do"
This morning while the kids were sleeping, I continued packing his clothes, folding the heavily starched dress shirts with the hangers on. It was kinda interesting to make the serpentine curves to get the shirts to fit without wrinkling. The suits went in too. I stopped worrying about which clothes were expensive and would he just toss everything. With an occasional dewy eye, I filled up the boxes. Golf shirts and golf jackets, bulky robes are left. The packed boxes were placed in the room so brightly lit by sunlight. I left the door almost shut so the kids wouldn't see the boxes on their way downstairs.
If it weren't for DR, I'm sure I'd be contacting him, cajoling, arguing my point of how unfair it is, pleading for him to love me. At times today I felt like a worm impaled on a hook, just twirling, dangling. Part of me wondered if I should be pursuing, letting him know how important he is, how vital he is to me, to our family. Asking how he call leave it all.
And then, words from the wise crop up.. give him his space, all the space he needs. Hope, any hope recedes into a bleak darkness and tears flow. I notice I'd better stop binge eating because the cellphone is nestled on my belly. It's alright to feel the tears as long as I get up and do something. What would I pursue.. each of us is evolving for what will come.
It's like playing masochistic peek-a-boo. YAY.. sunshine, hope and light.. OUCH.. darkness despair angst... THANK GOODNESS.. positive feelings strength... NOT AGAIN.. fear trepidation anxiety. The light is lasting longer, the dark still hurts but the knife is duller.
It's a mystery.. a journey.. and what a way to grow.
One last thing. So often I write about my suffering or challenges. I don't spend much time worrying about his. I get scared sometimes when I spend too much time posting here.. that the emotions I describe possess greater power than they should. It's about balance, isn't it?
On 9/11 I watched in shock, numb as it played out on the TV. Finally I got up, and went to the store. I didn't want those images seared any deeper into my brain.
The feelings I have now are valid.. but I can't give them free reign. This is a major event in my life but it's not going to be my life.
You need to stop the binge eating. You know you're dulling the pain with the comfort of food, but it's not the answer. I know how it is. I've struggled with emotional eating for as long as I can remember. Fortunately, when it comes to relationship stress, I have a hard time forcing food into my mouth.
The retreat sounds perfect. I apologize for making you weak in the knees at the prospect of travel writing - I should've been more clear. No, we wouldn't be able to send you to exotic places and have you write about your experiences, but wouldn't that be a dream? What we would need are articles for a travel magazine - not exactly sure of the editorial content as of yet. However, if you're interested, I will most certainly keep you in mind as I'm mesmerized with your poetic writing style.
Have a happy day. Find something to appreciate and allow those feelings to dominate the sad ones.
xo, girl
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Well.. that weakened knee thing was a good thing, ms imp. I LOVE to travel, something I've haven't done that much since being married. I lived in Europe during my junior year of college. It was wonderful. Thanks for jolting that passion back to my consciousness.
I am enthusiastically interested in writing articles! The strange thing about my writing is that I can do it if I'm writing to an audience. It's tougher doing it for me. When I journal, it's handwritten.. and I haven't been journaling that much. Free from typing, like in these forums, is melodic to me. It's like a song from my soul warbles out.
I agree, you are quite the writer. When can we expect your first literary work?
I too have some of the same concerns. Should I run after him and tell him I love him? History has shown that this has no effect on him. Although my marriage isn't restored yet DBing has done more for me than all the begging, pleading, declarations of love etc.
I also fear, do I post too much? I return with only the best of intentions: to get and give hope and to remind myself of the positive in my sitch. I sometimes find myself getting carried away venting my frustrations. I do know that either way my sitch turns out I must keep positive and I hope the same for you.
You are doing great!
hugs
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
I LOVE to travel, something I've haven't done that much since being married. I lived in Europe during my junior year of college. It was wonderful. Thanks for jolting that passion back to my consciousness.
GPZ I wasn't able to log on when you asked for ideas for your week away. You have found something so much more growth enhancing and centering than what I was going to propose. Good for you! (You aren't going to Winvian by any chance?) It's not too far from my parent's house. I've never been there but each time I visit there seems to be an article in the paper about it. (I better not say anything derogatory until I find out if you are, in fact, not staying there.)
Anyway, I was going to suggest you go on a cruise! (It's still a good idea, almost like that resort for LBSs who are GAL. Not every cruise includes a hurricane on the schedule of events. :))
ISH
Me: 59 H: 59 Together: 28 years Married: 25 years in August "There may be someone else" 12/26/07 H signed a one year lease 4/1/08 H moved out 5/11/08 H beginning to show a tiny amount of interest 7/5/08 Is it possible that he is courting me? 9/30/08
I'm going to a place in the Berkshires in Massachusetts. Cruises still seem a little weird to me.. but who knows. Maybe some day I'll go, sign up to try all sorts of whacky things and have the time of my life.
staying there.)