Edge, It's great you're getting out with friends. Make sure you very casually mention to H that you were out at a club with friends - I'm sure he'll be surprised with that 180.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Edge, It's great you're getting out with friends. Make sure you very casually mention to H that you were out at a club with friends - I'm sure he'll be surprised with that 180.
I definitely made H aware of my plans. I had a good time. It was good to just get out of the house and cut loose a bit. There was a guy that was hitting on me all night, but it just felt weird since H wasn't there. I danced a few songs with him but nothing more. Maybe I'll mention that to H. Don't know if it will have any affect on him, but it did feel nice to know that someone thought I was worth their time.
Those smiles you force will eventually come naturally again. I am about 3 months in, and it is only recently that I am feeling good again. My W said to me that one of the biggest problems for her was my reaction to all this. While she says she understands why I `went off at the deep end!`. She didnt like seeing that... all the crying begging pleading etc... So in some ways I think that both S and living together has some benefits, at least when you want to throw a loopy fit, he is not there to see it! I am thinking that in her head my W is coming around to me, but she doesnt let on. I am looking at the body language and the increased eye contact. So look at your H as well as talking to him. It is good you had a happy normal conversation. Start to imagine you are not married and your H is just someone who you would like to go out with. How would you act then?
Your H is spending time with his family, and his family sound sympathetic to you, so that can only be a good thing. It is good that there is nothing `pulling` him away from you like OW or something. You just have to make sure to not `push` him.
These sitchs are definately in our hands, we can make or break these Ms. And to tell the truth... that responsibilty scares the hell out of me sometimes... what if I screw it up. But then I realise I got my W once, there is nothing stopping me getting her again. Will be sweeter this time round too, as I will be stealing her back from OM!
When we get through this, it will be added proof that we are meant to be with our partners! Destiny!
Cheers
Steve
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
Inevitable R talk planned for tonight. I can't really get out of it. S5 has been having some difficulties with the split. H and I have talked briefly (more in depth tonight) about what are relationship needs to be like for our kids. He wants to be able to remain friends and still do occasional things as a family to show the kids that we are still a family no matter what and that we will always love them. H thinks it is a little too soon to start family outings like that because it may confuse the kids. He doesn't want them to start thinking that we might get back together. I'm not sure how to handle this one. It is a talk we HAVE to have though, so we can know how to proceed with the kids. Any advice on this?
Its a difficult one, and only you can really know what to say. I would suggest letting him take the lead with most things, and just politely but firmly stand your ground whenever you hit something you can go along with. Hopefully that is showing him that you are still ok without him and GAL. But as I said before, do whatever feels right to you at the time.
Steve
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
I am still DBing, but H is giving me every indication that this is over for him. I just don't see him changing his mind. I am still going to continue with my changes and DBing, but I won't be surprised if we end up with a D.
Lori thats how I feel too but I also know that a D isn't necessarily the end either.
If you still want to fignt for your M them you'll have to DB but also let him think/know that you're moving on without telling him so. It seems that the further many people on this site got from the M the more likely the S was to return. Some sort of reverse psychology. It's mind bogling but I have faith in the "system"
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
PS no crying and begging tonight ok? It'll be tempting but you have to be strong. I agree with Steve in that you should take his cue tonight but don't let him push you around.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Thanks Jen and Steve. I'll try to keep my spirits up. I will have faith in the system. I am trying to move on for myself and the kids right now. I have to find some happiness on my own. I hope H will want to share in that.
Dont do what I did tonight, and get in to merry go round of a R talk. They definately dont go anywhere.
Everyone is entitled to small mistakes though! If you do, dont beat youself up, just get back on the horse!
Steve
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
