Worried I found DB too late #2

[houndfan]

I'm calling BS here!!!! Unless your husband is of some super species of man (if he is I really want to pick his brain) he has the ability to seperate physical and emotional! That's why we are such pigs because intimacy is easy to ignore. So if the sex isn't happening because of that he is bluffing!

Soooo... me thinks that if you want to get it started, get it started! Make it happen. (I know "Hound that is easier said than done etc). I tell you what Cyndi, if my W wanted me to be intimate with her, not a chance I would EVER push her away. We were seperated and over Thanksgiving I was at the house. One thing led to another and we were having hot crazy sex. Not marriage sex mind you - but sex nonetheless. After it was all said and done (listen up lovemyguy) she got up from the bed, said to me that it was just sex and nothing else and that I still repulsed her.

To add insult to injury she told me how she was just horny and I was the next best thing to her toy. She got dressed and went back down stairs like nothing happened. Later in the evening she told me that I would never do that again etc.

But I digress, I am not sure how it fits in with DB'ing CW but I know that Michelle has some stuff on sex while seperated. I think that you should "look" into some moment with H, nothing forced or fake... What would he do if you took one of those hello goodbye kisses a little further up the road???

What was your old approach to the ramp up? (Don't answer just think about it). You have done so awesome in controlling the critical nature in you that has scared him, can you do a 180 here too that is legitimate and would surprise and entice????

Again in our sitch my W has really come around sexually since we have been back together and it is fun again. She is not critical, cynical, or demanding but we run the gamut from soft and passionate to crazy (hmmm maybe TMI).

Anyway - I am calling BS on this one.... go get 'em CW!!!! LOL

[cw68]

I've tried to take it a step further, but I could tell it made him uncomfortable and that took most of the enjoyment out of it for me. My H can be very determined when he decides to and he decided to avoid sex with me for a while. However, I know that's softening and it's a-comin' round the bend. He can run, but he can't hide.

[cw68]

I knew it was coming around the bend! Big step forward as H and I were intimate tonight for the first time since early January. Admittedly, it was weird for him to then go "home" to the apartment, but I'm a happy camper right now. It was HIS idea, too.

We spent the day together, which in ways I wish I would have just stayed away for the dim factor, but it turned out to be a very nice day. We were all gelling as a family and it was one of the most comfortable days in a looooong time. Obviously he was feeling it too, because of his initiation of sex. No declarations of love from either of us or anything, just nice.

On another note, I asked him if he had decided to go to the concert with me or not and he said that he hadn't yet heard back from our friend in SoCal whom he was going to visit. I told him that I was going to go with my friend because it had been a week already. When I said this, it wasn't in a threatening tone or anything, just told him I had to let her know so we could work out babysitting.

[MichelleLT]

I just had to come out of lurking mode to say Yay!!!!!!!

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((cw)))))
Not much more to say!

[minkerman]

Sex is like pizza. Even when it's bad, it's better than NO pizza.

[cw68]

And I love pizza.

[cw68]

Oooh, forgot to mention something that happened yesterday... the woman that my H had an EA with was our dental hygienist, I'll call her LC. I work at our health club, which is part of a small chain in this area. LC and her family belonged to a sister club in the town next to us. I went into work late Saturday morning and about an hour into my shift I checked the recent attendance log as I usually do (I like to know if there are any members I know in the club so I can keep on top of things they might ask for) and I see that SHE checked in about the time that I got to work! Turns out that she's now a member at our club. I didn't see her leave.

So I'm a bit flipped out. I know my H is going to run into her sometime at the club. Heck, I know I'm going to run into her sometime at the club! Since I work there, I have to play it totally cool but I've decided that if I ever check her in I'm going to say the usual, "Welcome, LC, have a good workout" but then add in a very friendly voice, "Oh, I know you, you were my H's dental hygienist!" Non-threatening, but at the same time it lets her know that I know who she is AND that I work there.

Pre-DBing, I would have called my H and told him something snarky but instead I'm just letting this news roll off my back and I'm not mentioning it to him.

[minkerman]

cw, I wouldn't say a thing to her that you wouldn't say to any other member.

When considering any action, always ask:
"Would my husband say that what I am about to do is going to bring us closer together, keep things neutral, or potentially drive us further apart?"

Notice the italics? It's all about how HE would perceive it.

This is what my DB coach always tells me to keep front-of-mind.

[newnamenewlife]

Way to go CW! You are an inspiration. I wish I could be as patient as you have been!