No I am not going to give up yet. I was not trying to say that I was just "thinking" out loud. I KNOW HOW FAR I HAVE COME...I choose to stay; I choose to work on my M. I have gained strength and power over my Sitch. I will be at a place soon that W will need to start making some choices...After she gets a job…
Dr LOve
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
NOW: You sound like me! We are in the same frame of mind right now. Please remember and I have to too, that there are baby steps and you are in a better place than a year ago. So am I. It is getting slowly better and like it was said you would know when it was time to end it, if that was the case.
You love your W as I love my H that is why we fight we wanted to try everything we could before we gave in. May have been desperation at first because we had been with them so long but after a few months of gaining strenth I knew that H was what I truly wanted. That is why im still here. I could leave and be just fine financially and otherwise but I choose my M and won't let go until I know iv'e tried everything.
Patience my friend,(I know easier said than done).
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
I have "spoken" so someone here that was a WAS. She wanted to know "why would you want to stay with someone that hurt you? She said "I am sure there is someone out there that can give you the love you need. Maybe your W is not that person". I had to think hard on this question. Why do I stay? Why did I not just throw this all away a year ago when this first started?
That's so strange... Someone asked me that same question the other day, and I think about this alot. Why stay? Why fight so hard?
I'm dedicated, loyal and show perseverance in the face of adversity. I do believe that these are some of my traits that attracted W to me. We have children that we love, and I want to give them a stable environment in which to develop. I want both of us together to nurture them.
My W has given and still does give me happiness. I enjoy being with her, fondly recall past memories and look forward to creating new memories with her and our family.
Is there someone else out there that could make me happy? I'm certain that there is. How many people are on this planet? I don't want to come across as egotistical, but I'm sure there are women out there that would be willing to bend over backwards to get a guy like me. I'm good looking, healthy, intelligent, like to cook, creative and have a job. I think I would rank fairly high on the list of elible bachelors if I were to find myself out there looking. (and the same would apply for my W. She would not have a difficult time attracting suitors)
But to what end? How long does one look? How do you know when you've found Mr or Ms right again. What are the chances that the cylce would just repeat itself? How much are we willing to gamble? What are the chances that you get it right the next time around? Would I be more happy on the dating roller coaster? The highs can be very high, but the lows can be very low. The rush of a new love and infatuation, but what about rejection and broken heart?
I found Ms right 17 years ago and made a committment to her and she to I. I think we made the right choice then. We can make this work. We can make it better than it was before.
"I found Ms right 17 years ago and made a committment to her and she to I. I think we made the right choice then. We can make this work. We can make it better than it was before."
Great thought for the day..
Have a good one.
Dr LOve
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Dr. Love, could you post Taurus' horoscope? My Sag one was posted, but with the above post I thought I'd check out my H's.
As for why you don't just throw it away: you know better than to just quit. You know that this commitment is big and that you want to give your M the fighting chance. Be proud of yourself.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
Taurus April 20 - May 20 Digging in your heels and refusing to consider anyone else's point of view is a great idea as the week gets going. Just kidding: April Fools'! One of your ongoing challenges is to fight inflexibility and figure out others' perspectives. Do it now, and you're golden. Starting sometime Wednesday and lasting through sometime Friday, this kind of give-and-take comes much more naturally -- and can actually be a lot of fun. Engage the old sense of humor at work and at play for added good times. Then, on Friday night and over the weekend, talk it over (maybe with more than one person) before deciding.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
hhmmmm, very interesting. Especially when it's combined with mine.
Thanks Dr. Love!
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
oh GOD husband, you have been reading my mind! We've not "spoken" much, you and I, but I read you faithfully.
what you said is so true! But the damage we are doing to my son is hidden. It is in the sub conches. He thinks it's normal for a mom and dad to sleep separate, he thinks it's normal for mom and dad to never say "I love you".
I so don't want my daughter to think it's ok to "settle" for less invested behavior. I know things aren't perfect all the time but to say that "it's unrealistic to think you can find all you need in one relationship"? Hardly. Spouse wants to stay together, even discusses retirement plans but we are not supposed to have sex because she "just doesn't feel that way". FINE!!!! Then let's separate and I'll be the BAD GUY even though you had the affair. Great!
I am not referring to getting your every need met by ONE person but I am talking about COMMITTMENT and FIDELITY. Not having sex with your spouse? In many ways THAT is it's own form of INFIDELITY!!!
Enough ranting. Husband I know alot about back pain. You need to take large doses, REGULARLY of anti-inflammatory something plus ice, plus heat, plus stretch, plus massage. Back pain is such that if you wait until your pain is bad it' much harder to get it under control. Think of it as insulin and TAKE IT REGULARLY< even if you don't hurt. (And I thought I was done ranting! HA, who am I kidding?!?!?!)
Husband go do something nice for you. You're a good guy and I hope you find some happiness this week!
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
Someone asked me that same question the other day, and I think about this alot. Why stay? Why fight so hard?
I have to pitch in here because yesterday I had a talk with my D14. The talk turned to what her Dad "did" (his A) and I asked her if she wondered why I wanted to work things out with him. She said when it first happened, she did. She didn't understand why I wanted to be with him because he hurt me so much. But then she met a boy, and he "cheated" on her (he kissed another girl). They are still 'dating.' Then she said she understood. "It's because you love him."
I could have cried.
Yes, I've stayed because I love him (and because of D14, too). I also told her the second reason was that I knew our M had problems, and some of those problems were mine.
But HFF, you are right that it's a matter of commitment, too. I said "I do." Period. Not "I do" only if the M is perfect, you make good money, never sleep with anyone else, etc!
