I got the exact same justification--he wasn't happy, and that was "bound to impact the kids." He sees this as a way for all of us to be happy (um, thanks...?). He hasn't moved an inch in his own growth or introspection; maybe he never will.
The way that he can be so cruel (he actually laughed at me once, when I was in obvious pain), the lying, the self-absorbtion...it is a foreign concept to me. It doesn't help that I never think of this from anyone (naive, I know)--my brain just never goes there. Being so gulliable makes me vulnerable to this kind of abuse, and it is always a surprise. I want to learn my lesson, but I also don't want to completely loose that quality of faith in people...a hard balance.
Now, there is only occasional contact, mostly by email, about kids and divorce/$$ issues. He is broke. Really, no money. Poor guy; we don't have anything extra, either. But I am bracing for the nastiness. He wants to reduce the weekly support and get me off of his pension completely in exchange for his 1/3 share of the house. That part of me, at least, has always been practical. Frustrated the hell out of him, when I would stand up for myself when it came to business or the kids, then would break down hoping that he would reconsider and just try again. He didn't get how I could be able to feel both. Now, I am just concerned about the finances. He has no money sense.
I am grateful, and annoyed, that he wants to be so involved in the kids' lives. He has dinner with them twice a week, takes them every other weekend, and calls every night at 7 o'clock. He went to a parent/teacher conference for D (the teacher was gratious enough to set aside 2 times for us, so we didn't have to sit through it together). In all other aspects of his life, he is trying to be "the good guy" he always was. It makes me very uncomfortable, especially when so many others seem to just gloss over what he has actually done to me and his family. But I am separating myself from that, as well. If they can relate to him on that shallow of a level--"what can he do for me" kind of thinking--then I don't need to count on them in my own close circle of people, anyway. I guess it is a way to see others' true colors. I know that he is no Superman, no one to look up to. He used to be chided for ruining the curve for the guys in the neighborhood--they tell me now that he has been knocked down quite a few pegs.
So, no flash of insight, no earth-shattering awareness...just woke up one day and felt done. Like something was absent, but not really missed too badly. Not overly happy, or sad, or depressed, or much of anything. It just is what it is. And the topic is getting pretty boring. So, I am looking forward to getting back to work. That will be the last piece of the puzzle for the time being--kids, family, puppy, work, grad school, AlAnon, counseling, household, Girl Scouts. That's enough.
