Well, it was literally two months before my 20th wedding anniversary that everything went belly up. I think sometimes these mile stones act as a trigger. It worked for the better in my sitch - hope it does the same for you.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Last night I decided to "camp out" with son thinking maybe the harder bed would be good for my Back.... WRONG.....Did not sleep too well. For some reason today I kind of feel isolated for some reason, don’t know what it is? Wish there was someone I could call just to talk to. My Uncle called and wanted me to do some tractor work for him and I turned him down because of my back. (180 for me it is hard for me to turn down a request for help from someone but my back does hurt) I get these "save my marriage" e-mails sometimes and was looking at one and it talked about how men dress and how women look at it as "packaging". I am a blue jean T-Shirt kind of guy but yesterday I did put on a button down shirt to go to the B-day party. At the party I kind of sat at the table because of my leg pain while W kind of mingled...Later I went out to the patio where W was sitting with SIL (her sister). And I started rubbing SIL shoulders. I thought she was going to have an orgasm. She started moaning and saying "god that feels good, you really know how to use your hands"... Ok now I know Sara is going to say I should have done this to W but W seems to tense up when I do it to her. But I still think it was good to show W I can please other women. Anyway we took separate cars because I needed to take D to work. Cousin wanted me to come back but when I got comfortable in the jeep I did not want to risk getting uncomfortable again. When I got home I was going to go out and try to find Nephew but I started thinking that if I did and the next morning my back/leg was hurting more it would give W an excuse to say I did something stupid.. So I stayed home. when W got home she was really up beat....So this morning I told W that I would like to go look for new Cell phones today and there was a sale at Mervyns on shirts and I wanted to get some new button down shirts.. She said she needed some things too but did not want to go clothes shopping with me. I told her we can go look at phones and then stop by Mervyns and I would pick out my shirts and then leave her there to do her shopping. When we got to the cell phone place she was looking at a phone that with a rebate would cost $20. She told me what she was looking for in a phone. I saw one that looked better and had better features but it cost $100.00 after the rebate. I told her if I had to choose between those two I would pick the $100 one. I think she was happy that I "gave her permission" to spend the extra money. So we looked at a phone for me and the Razor phone I looked at cost $40.00 after the rebate. W knew that if we ordered on line through my Company that my phone would be free. So we decided to wait and order on line. So it was off to Mervyns.
When we got there I started looking at shirts and pick a nice black Hawaiian type shirt and then was looking at this burgundy one Wife said "that one looks really nice. It goes good with your tan" So I got that one also. So after I got home and then W got home. (She bought me more socks Saffie) W went on line to look at phones. They had the Razor I was looking at for Free but the LG phone she was looking at cost $100.00. Then she started looking at other Razor phones and found this other one and wanted me to look at it. It was nice but.... it cost $130. When we compared both phones they had the exact same features. The first phone I looked at had less. So another 180 for me I told her to go ahead and order the one she found for me. (Normally I always settle for less). So that was my day today... Sorry for the long boring journal but Like I said I kind of needed someone to just chit chat with. Oh ya while son and I slept in camper W still slept in son's room. IF we stay married WE NEED TO FIND A MATRIS FOR OUR BED THAT SHE FINDS COMFORABLE......
Later Dr LOve
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Good idea. Since you two are out shopping together, why don't you go find a new mattress? I bought one made by Dormia that I just love. It is the temperpedic material, but not that brand. So it costs a lot less. I kept my old box spring and just replaced the mattress, so it wasn't that expensive. All mattresses with springs hurt my hip, but this doesn't.
Why? Why is it so hard to settle this thing? Why can't I just say F#%K it and File? Or Why not just settle for "this is the way it is going to be so live with it? I mean I think back to our last Anniversary... Remember the "snails" I made for W. I mean we were at opposite ends of the spectrum. I have come so far. We are "friends" now. The tensions have been relived since our last talk. The talk that I stated that I will not talk R until she gets a job. I don't know if I should start to pursue or not. W and I have different thoughts on things I know. At my B-day dinner I had a great time. I THOUGHT things went very well. But talking to W after she was very uncomfortable. Two people at the same place seeing things differently.... Every time I am ready to say Screw it SOMEBODY here comes up with "finely after two years we worked things out" or after we separated things changed and we fell in love again or we went to retro and it opened our eyes". So then I think well maybe soon. Maybe I should just hold out a little longer. I have "spoken" so someone here that was a WAS. She wanted to know "why would you want to stay with someone that hurt you? She said "I am sure there is someone out there that can give you the love you need. Maybe your W is not that person". I had to think hard on this question. Why do I stay? Why did I not just throw this all away a year ago when this first started? One thing I can think of is if I knew what I know now I would have thrown in the towel back then. Back then I was desperate, back then I thought I could not live without my Wife. Back then I felt so weak and vulnerable. Like it was W and OM against me... Now..... I don't really care about the OM. Well that is not totally true I would like to see if W is still calling him but only to see if she has truly given up on him. I have not looked at the phone bill but....maybe soon... as for living without W. I could do it. I would not have a problem with it in fact it would almost be like being born again. Going out dancing, Meeting people...I do have son to think about... It would be so much easier if W and I were fighting. There would be an outward sign that I could say.” This is not good around son, we need to separate". But the damage we are doing to my son is hidden. It is in the sub conches. He thinks it's normal for a mom and dad to sleep separate, he thinks it's normal for mom and dad to never say "I love you". Funny thing is son makes an Effort EVERY night to tell me he loves me. Then we get into this battle about who loves who more....I am not looking for advise, I am not playing the Dr Love pity party here.. I am just rambling off. I have "met" so many friends here and It seems like allot of them have moved on. This was like the "coffee shop" that I used to come to every morning to catch up with Friends on events in their lives. I guess it's a good thing that most of them have gone away. It means that they either have "fixed" their marriage or ended it. Either way their struggle is over...Ok well I hope every one (anyone) that reads this has a good day. The sun should be up soon…another day will arrive..
Later Doc Love
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Pisces February 19 - March 20 Be extra hard on yourself to accomplish more and get more out of life as the week begins. Just kidding: April Fools'! Give yourself a break, and respect your own individual style -- just because it's not as straightforward as some doesn't make it less great. And great you are -- in particular on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, when the stars highlight your creative, romantic and generally wonderful nature. Hot! If you're confused about something this weekend, don't overlook the effectiveness of just asking. Aquarius January 20 - February 18 Talk about a bad hair day -- the first few days of this week just aren't looking good for you. Just kidding: April Fools'! The stars are ratcheting up your attraction factor and general brilliance so much now that it doesn't even matter whether your coiffure is cooperating. Enjoy! Then, around Thursday and Friday, do you put your own priorities first or make others (or a certain someone) your number-one? Hint: There's a middle path here. From sometime on Friday through the weekend, get totally avant-garde. Whatever's experimental, new and different has your name on it. Leo July 23 - August 22 Let your pride grow to mammoth proportions as the week begins. Just kidding: April Fools'! Your self-confidence is awesome (and hot), but it's something to use, not abuse ... especially now. Appreciate what's great about others, too! But what's not so great about them? Their tendency to overreact, particularly from Wednesday through the end of the workweek. Set a good example with your calm, positive, good-humored approach (rather than freaking out!). Put a little learning on the agenda this weekend. Something (or someone?) new gets you fired up. Libra September 23 - October 22 You're not doing much connecting during the first few days of this week, so you might as well not even try. Just kidding: April Fools'! In fact, the stars say you've got an amazing way with bonding both intellectually and emotionally (and even romantically!) now, so reach out! Wednesday, Thursday and Friday will likely bring miscellaneous disruptions and delays. Take it in stride, and be ready with a plan B (and maybe even a plan C). From Friday night through the weekend, don't be shy about saying what you're thinking. They can't read your mind, after all. Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 Others are less than impressed by you as the week begins, what with your dearth of creativity and lack of spark. Just kidding: April Fools'! Even 'chance' interactions can go great places now, with the way you're sharing your vision and drawing others out about theirs. On Wednesday, Thursday or Friday, ask yourself: What does this situation remind me of? The past comes into play in interesting ways, and if you've learned from it, you're golden. And from Friday night through the weekend, love is in your personal stars. Familial, platonic, romantic -- it's all good. Capricorn December 22 - January 19 Whatever you do during the first few days of this week, don't look forward -- keep those blinders on, keep that head down and ignore the future implications of it all. Just kidding: April Fools'! Everything has a context, and the effects down the road are extremely important now. Take a look! Then, around Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, you've got special insight of another kind: interpersonal. Very interesting! When the weekend comes, you'll be able to have much more fun if you first get a little work done, whether around the house or job-related. Be responsible and enjoy yourself -- they're not mutually exclusive.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I know you are not looking for a reply - but when does that stop me
Firstly, I firmly believe you will know if it's time to throw in the towel. The thing is 'husband' who was, is now 'Dr Love' - we all morph and change all the time. Dr. Love may change into 'I don't give a fcuk' or he may change into someone else - you just don't know and you have to follow your journey.
The WAS you talked to - and we both know I know who that is - is very jaded at the moment and fighting demons of their own. No-one else is in your M- they cannot tell you what to do. From your history on here and following your journey, you have so much NOT been in a place where YOU could have easily thrown in the towel.
As for the R talk; if you have told your W you won't go there until she gets a job then you should stick to it. If you want to alter it give her notice of that fact. I imagine that she is relaxed as she knows you aren't going to put pressure on her at the moment. She will appreciate that, which in turn will hopefully help things move forward slowly.
Dr Love - you have come such a long way - don't throw it all away because you can't breach the last boundary.
BTW - I am having major mattress problems at the moment; so bad I am thinking about moving into another room until we get it fixed - going mattress shopping as Sara suggested sounds a good move to me. Also a new mattress might be like a new broom sweeping clean from a mental viewpoint for your W. New bedding that she likes might also make a difference. I know that might sound silly but don't underestimate the connections a person has in their brain for a room and bad events occurring there. Just choosing something together gives you joint ownership of it - it's a bond between you.
Any horoscopes today????
And how's your back today?????
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Husband, I agree totally 100% with Saffie. Remember every sitch is different. It may seem like you have not made any progress in yours, but I think you have. You and your W are becoming friends, that's so important in any R. She's warming up. And, you know you are waiting for her to get a job. That day is coming closer, too. I truly believe that in your sitch if you had forced things or tried to rush them at all, that everything would have backfired. The ship is no longer sinking so don't you dare jump off of it now!
