H is Having Affair after all - Part 2

[Evie]

thank you all for replying tonight. The letter was very tough to read, i'm really sad that he has being VERY UNHAPPY for 2 years. I never knew, i felt it, i asked him, he DIDN'T have the courage to say, to talk.

25 yrs what do you mean by 'hackneyed cliches'?

No H wasn't married before me, he did have a R as a teenager that was very intense, he loved her and she rejected him, after that he became celibate for 5 years and conentrated on his swimming career, after that he met another girl who after 4/5 years together wanted commitment from him, they fell out got back together again, then parted for good, after that he met me and pursued me.

D's have taken it very badly. H hasn't contacted either D. D1 in France waited 3 weeks for him to contact her and she eventually decided to be the bigger person and wrote to him. She is angry at the way he has treated us all and has a lot to say in reply to his email. But I don't think it will do any good for him to hear it, he has heard it from every where he turns, he is not getting support. I don't want people to take sides in this, but his family and our close friends are shocked at how he has behaved, they think he is niaive and immature and runs from conflict. I spoke to FIL yesterday and he said when h's mum had been given a day or two to live, H ran away and hid behing work, everyone else was at her bedside.

D2 is the most distraught, I hope she doesn't become any more cynical about R's and M more than she is now. I think she feels as confused, unloved and rejected as I do. I have had the 'chat' with her about her Dads and my M. I was honest with her, she said she didn't learn much from her dad that she didn't already know except that i had had an affair. Xh had told her alot of stuff that was uneccessary and not relevant for her too know, i was shocked at what he had told her, some of it was lies. I did say that I had tried for a long time to make things work with her dad, but there were other factors i had to take into account. I said the affair was brief, i confessed to XH and moved out and we lived with my mom for 9 months, before living with current h.

I feel like i'm being bashed by both my xh and current H and they are both using MY past as the excuse, I really don't have a clue to what H is referring to when he says we have been through a lot and isn't prepared to tell her or anyone. IS IT ME??

I am beating myself up trying to think what I have done to attract men and my part in the M's dying (not long after D1 was born, - and we had both nearly died as i had eclampsia - XH said he would leave me if things didn't improve, i thought he was seeing ow from work, she moved away and lifes continued on), i cannot self analyse myself enough, I can't see what i do. Do i become boring after having kids? do i lose my spark and become dull and boring? i don't know.

25yrs - your right about the GAL, Act as if, don't pursue, show anger etc, I'm trying to find the fine line between not becomming apathtic, i really feel that I want distance from him right now, i need time. I feel like i'm in a better place than H right now, sure i' having this internal battle with myelf that it's all my fault, but i get a lot of strength from you girls and my girlfriends that empower me, that believe in me and tell me i'm nice on the inside.

This letter really sounds like it's over for him. Even if we got D, if he has these internal issues and isn't happy with himself, he'll take these issues through his life and into a next R, if that isn't with me.

I'm not religious, I wouldn't know how to pray? I hope i don't sound patronising, but is it like making a silent wish for something?.

The comment that h made about him being happy that im the mother of his children, makes me feel a little like i've been used as a baby making machine.

Thank you all for being ther for me tonight.


xxxxxxx