Good with me but I think the wife is not doing so well. I think she knows that I am detaching and it has made her become rather withdrawn because it is totally different from the way I have been for 10 years of marriage. I think instead of making her draw to me it is making her face her guilt and that is not something that she does well. In the face of that she usually shuts down. This is more of a personal emotional thing than it is a relationship issue. See, she has lots of personal things to deal with that have little or nothing to do with our relationship or her kids. Our marriage and her kids really had nothing to do with her leaving and she said as much. It is sad, she needs help and she knows it but she wont do it. I can't do it for her. I think she is determined to repeat the mistakes of her mother. I am sorry for her but it is out of my hands.
"If my wife changed in that way...I may start to believe and open my heart. DO you see why I am so negative about having any hope for my marriage. I have been giving and making excuses for her lack of affection for a decade. I got burned by that..I don't see any or many reasons to believe that short of a miracle from God himself that my marriage has any hope."
I'm not good at the quote box thing...so I just copied and pasted the above from your post on HIC's thread. Jay, always always always remember THERE IS HOPE IN HOPELESS!!!!!!!!!!!
A really good book to read is 5 love languages by Gary Chapman, your love language is probably physical touch. I can't help but wonder if you identify her love language if you could use to benefit you and your R/M.
Patience...you and I both are here, waiting, patiently for our S's to decide what they want. Find your strength, in your children, in God, in whatever way neccessary...trust me, you can do this!! you already are...you are here, this is a good place to start. We are all here to help each other!
Take care Christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
you and I both are here, waiting, patiently for our S's to decide what they want.
Honestly Christa, no I am not. I am getting on with my life with no illusions of my marriage being restored. I don't want to negative but I am just being honest. I like being here because the insight you all have at least helps me to be somewhat understanding with my wife and if I can give any input here from a male perspective than that is great. This forum is good moral support for me but I am really not DBing. I am detaching and moving on. Through this experience I have been able to look back at my marriage and seen it with a different perspective. As much as I wanted to save it a few months ago, I no longer feel that way. My marriage was very one sided and I don't see in my wife what I see in you all here. You all see the value in your husbands. Not only does my wife not see it, she never has. I have been too good to her. She has never had a reason to question my commitment to her and I have done everything in my life for her...work, house you name it. I have showered her with affection, love and support. She never had to respond in kind because I did not demand it of her. In turn, she wound up taking me for granted and having no respect for me. Why would I want that back. As much as I do not believe in divorce, I am not fighting this anymore.
I don't hate my wife and I am very friendly with her and will do anything I can for her if she asks. She is the mother of my boys and I will treat her with the respect that she deserves. I am sorry that I do not sound positive about my situation but I respect what you ladies are doing and I really hope and pray for your marriages to be restored because you deserve it. It takes a real women to do what you all are doing.
God bless and hope your week is a productive and positive one. JS
