What would (or did) you say in a last-ditch effort

[bright_new_day]

I haven't posted much lately, I've been busy, but I always check up on certain people, and you are one of them. I have read your posts in the past and cried for your pain...I had felt it too. Today I read your post and was happy. You have made such a breakthrough. I know it was hard, it was hard for me also, but I did it. We all did it in some way or other.

My God, I have been on these boards for over a year! What I have really been waiting for, what I was so afraid of happening, was for the part of me that was husband/wife to die. At first I had to accept that the man who I loved so much was gone--the good man was dead, and in his place stood the lier, the cheater, the immoral, the cruel, the selfish. She got that man; I don't want him. Who I wanted so much, that person exists no more.

This was a huge awakening wasn't it. I think that is the hardest thing for so many of us....realizing that the person we loved doesn't exist anymore. That they have become something we can no longer love, trust, or respect. Seeing your former spouse become a manipulative liar is so confusing. How can someone you loved say and do those things? The person you loved is truly gone, while they stand in front of you and lie, without batting an eyelash. I know that was the hardest thing for me to accept. But it is what it is. You are accepting that and moving on. I am so happy for you.

Now, I just feel...a bit lost. Like I just lifted my head for the first time in too long of a time to look around. Out of my own fog. More bewildered than panicked. I imagine that people returning to Earth after an alien abduction would feel the same way. Looking ahead at the choices that I have in front of me, now, without the H filter on. Its me, my kids, my family, my friends, my work, my studies, my home...my life. Makes me a bit light-headed. But not scared.

I think you will find that things will truly fall into place for you in a good way. After my fog lifted I had so many good thngs happen. I got the job I was working for, made new friends, reconnected with old friends. I am a stronger person nopw that I have been for over 10 years, because I survived and thrived. I no longer had someone constantly pointing out my faults. I see my strengths! You have amazing strengths, and you will come through this better and stronger than you can begin to imagine!

I can finally say out loud that he has been with CW for over 2 years. It is irrational to think that I can change him or the situation after all of that time. I can finally say it out loud: I will be divorced in as few as 2 months time.

No, you cannot change him. He is going to do whatever he does, without considering you or possibly the kids. Be prepared. My X married the woman he swore for over a year was just a friend 14 days after our divorce was final. In a matter of 14 months my children went from living in an intact family to having a step-family. He never considered the effect of his actions on the kids. He said to me at one point that the kids would be happy because he was happy. How do you reason with such gross selfishness and self-absorption? You can't, all you can do is be the rock for them. You need to keep focused on being strong and together and you will make it through.

Post when you can....I follow your situation because I feel so much of what you have gone through.