Thank you Minkerman for all the suggestions and advice.
Our daughter's Confirmation is next weekend. He texted me about what type of gift to give... his ideas, mine. I realized this was a babystep, took a shower, finished some laundry, took time to think and replied, saying his idea was great, and added what I'd been thinking of.
He sent a few texts, called, but I was busy and called back when I had time. Four minutes of converation in total: what to give her, a question if he'd find out who from his family is coming.. he balked so I dropped it.
I thought.. okay, that was DBing, a babystep. He initiated contact. I called back when I was free, didn't drop everything as I always had, didn't look to be the great fixer or feel my idea was the one and only... realized my daughter would love anything her father gave her. Let go.
Returned a call from my mother-in-law who can't come because it's too long a day. A very nice conversation, nothing about the marriage or impending divorce. Get off the phone and feel it's all over, there's no hope.
While busy today I was thinking.. I miss him but I don't miss feeling anxious that he didn't want to be around me, that I'm doing things with people who want to be with me. I'm not telling the kids exactly what to do .. well I do start, then adjust it to a choice.
So this is all about looking for the positive, doing the positive and being positive while being aware of alternate outcomes.
Did you ever watch "Get Smart". At the end Maxwell Smart walks through a series of doors which slam shut and lock? That is how my husband leaves.
One last thing.. he promptly filed papers and I'm working on the financial affidavit. He won't reveal where he's living or take the kids there. The court papers say he has to inform me within 48 hours of departing our home. It's been over a month.
My lawyer got involved, talked to his lawyer who couldn't reach my husband and sent a letter. My husband called me, upset and feeling betrayed thinking this was an aggressive action.
Is this something I let go? Part of me fears if he's hiding this, what else is he hiding. The other part wonders if he's not pacified, he'll adopt his crush and destroy mode and we'll have a nasty divorce.
All he seems to want is completely out of my life.
