Please help...need MLC advice

[tpaschal]

Morning tpaschal,

Yes, your H is angry, probably deep in anger stage. Sorry your kids are going through this along with you.

It's been over a year since he moved out, and he was so angry then. I thought he had gotten over a lot of the anger, but now it's back.

When my W was in this stage I thought her anger was directed only at me because I could only see from my perspective. I later (months) found out it was directed at everyone she came in contact with, including OM.

Thank you for this. A couple of other people have told me this--my MIL and a couple of friends--but they have less contact with H than I do, so I figured they were just speculating. It's just so hard not to take it completely personally, you know? But it makes sense. I know he's angry at the kids all the time, and I think he's a bear at work, too. I guess if you're miserably, rottenly, unhappy and in pain to the core of your being, it comes out all the time, not just to the LBS.

Try to take heart in the fact that this isn't about you, nothing you did or didn't do could have prevented or caused it. It's his problem to deal with/work through but of course it affects you and your children.

I know this, but it's hard to remember in the pain of the moment.

My W and I had a couple of counseling sessions early on, got nowhere. I now wish I had gone dark in beginning. I think I may have avoided some of the spew/verbal abuse. Who knows?

Sorry that you had to go through the spew. This is far from early on for me and my H. The bomb drop was Dec. 06 and he moved out Feb. 07. He steadfastly refused to go to C for more than a year, and has just now agreed, so I had hoped it meant something. Still have trouble squashing my expectations.

If H quits C (and he probably will) you might consider you and kids going without him. Focus on your kids. They need you now more than ever. This is a lot harder on them than on us. That would probably be the best use of your energies right now as you can't do anything for your H, but you can make a difference in how your kids adjust/cope with this.

You are doing well and it does get easier over time.

Sleeper, thanks. I know I need to go into it with no expectations in regards to H. And I do plan to start the kids going again if he will agree to pay for it.