You are so right HiC, ever since I started the 180ing and not making any contact I have not heard the D word again. It has been over a month since she has said anything about it. I gave her the space she said she wanted, GAL, and act as if (maybe to much) and I never here anything about the D or relationship. She really tries to be friendly and act like nothing happened. I am not going for that either but at least the D talk stopped.
My H still tells others that we are divorced or in the process of, but the important thing is that he hasn't filed or said the words and it has been 7months. I have changed everything that he has complained about so he has no cause to be mad at me or want the D.
I have a question for you. I know that you are angry with your wife now, and if my question is too personal I don't expect an answer, but do you feel as if you have lost love for her. My husband says he no longer loves me and I don't know how I can build that connection again if he will not allow himself to feel that way again. Any ideas?
Too personal...on this board..are you kidding? LOL, I will try to answer your question as best I can HIC. Now please know that the dynamics of my situation are very different from most here because of the children and I am dealing with a WAW that left her kids. I am not trying to beat a dead horse but I think my situation is different from your husbands in this way. If you hurt me...it will be hard but I can forgive and and deal with the pain. I don't know that it would be any less hard for me to trust her if there were no kids involved but I think the situation would be less clouded. Ok, OK... to the heart of your question. I may not have lost all the love for my wife but I won't allow myself to even consider it at this point. I truly do not care what she does or even if she ever comes back. In some ways I wish she would just disappear from our lives forever.
With that said, I think I told this to Christa....if... IF my wife came back to me and said all the things that you have said to your H...the walls would come down a bit but to me there is one thing that she could do to make me believe her. All throughout our marriage I have been the affectionate one, I have longed and yearned for her to initiate affection or intimacy and she never has. In ten years my wife has never walked up behind me and hugged me and kissed me on the neck or said I love you independent of me saying first. Alot of this is her culture, but when she said I don't love you and I never have...I believed her because I had nothing else to draw any other conclusions from.
If my wife changed in that way...I may start to believe and open my heart. DO you see why I am so negative about having any hope for my marriage. I have been giving and making excuses for her lack of affection for a decade. I got burned by that..I don't see any or many reasons to believe that short of a miracle from God himself that my marriage has any hope.
To you I say this, if there is something that your husband has always felt he missed, and you know what it is, could you provide that for him. IS there something deep that you know about that he needs from you aside from all the smoke and mirrors of this silly cat and mouse stuff we are trying LOL....not meant to offend (it is the reality if relationships I know).
I hope this helps HIC, I would like to see all of the WAW's that desire to heal their M's succeed because I wish my wife were one of you. I admire your strength and courage to desperately get your H's back. I would like to have that kind of value to my wife. I am happy to give any of you any info I can to help you achieve your goal.
