How do I handle the panic? He wants to give me NO reason for hope, his mind is made up, he's gone.
My W said she was 95% out the door - and the door was closing. I'm not sure if I have turned it around, but at least we are "in neutral" so to speak. That buys time. Time to DB like a madman, and time for her to see my changes. I was in total panic mode for quite a few weeks, but I'm not now. My calm and confidence has risen to the top as I have detached lovingly from her.
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Ugh.. how do you keep from wallowing?
Well it is hard. I have good days and bad days, but lately it's more good days. I have found that getting a life has really allowed me to focus on myself, and look at our R more objectively.
Remember Gypsy - ANY pursuing behaviour is going to push them away. It is so predictable that it is almost a formula.
- That means no telling them how much you're upset. Ever. - No crying. - No guilt trips. - Minimal contact initiated by you. - NO talk about the future. - Don't invite him anywhere, or invite yourself to be with him, until you are certain that it won't wig him out. CERTAIN, not 'pretty sure'! - You need to always be happy when you talk to him. - You need to get a life and get busy. Time alone will depress you. - If he calls and leaves a message, wait before returning it. Because you're busy, remember? - No guarantees, but one day he might surprise you with a baby step...but you need to be able to see it. That's why in DB you need to set tiny little goals. - Of course, realistically, it might actually be over. You need to be prepared for that. I have done that, and it gave me strength.
I hope this helps you in some small way.
I truly believe that if my W and I have a chance, it is because I am absolutely consistent in my actions, and I have been very cognizant of what has brought her closer and what has driven her away.
Try something, monitor results, then either stay the course or change it up a little.
It's a marathon, not a sprint. The key is buying time.
Good luck.
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
