Ok, I am new to this forum. I started in "new comers" in August of 06. Had been having marital problems for about 18 months before that. We done the counseling and I thought everything was ok until W dropped the bomb. I have had alot of ups and downs over the past 2 years and now the divorce is almost final. All papers are signed and money dispursed, just waiting for the court to send all paperwork. I just wanted to start a post here so I can let everyone here know who I am. On another note, X is friendlier to me now than what she has been in the last few months. She has changed her mind about the divorce 3 times and I let her get back into my heart everytime. Now she almost acts as if she wants us to be great friends and she flirts with me all the time when I pick up or drop off the kids.
The ride is over. M 38 WAW 39 08/06 out to give WAW space Bomb 10/06 Back Home 2/07 New Bomb 4/17/07 WAW out 06/07 Trying again 09/07 Another Bomb 11/23/07 WAW moved back home 12/14/07 WAW moved back out 2/2/08 D 12 S 9
I think I will have a Bloody Mary today, thank you.
First of I kinda don't like the fact that you have stuppid written in your signature.
What is so stupid? The fact that you wanted your marriage to work out? The fact that you wanted to be the wonderful husband, you know in your heart you can be?
Is it stupid that you wanted to work your ass off to reunite your family, and have your children live in a 2 parent home?
None of the above sound stupid to me.
If anything it sounds honorable. It warms my heart that men like you exist.
There also comes a time, when reality sets in, and we know that a decision was made for us. A decision that was not our intent, but we have to follow thru with it. And we will with dignity.
As for the wanting to be great friends. My x does the same thing, he treated me like dirt for 2 years, and now wants to be my besst friend.
I have come to the conlusion, that he feels the Pressure is off. He is divorced now. I gave him what he wanted and he is happy about it. I also believe that the guilt of what they do, may cause them to act this way too.
Like if he wasn't my new best friend, he would feel horrible about the D.
Who knows, just my 2 cents. It may be the case with your STBX.
I never want you to feel like a failure. I never want you to feel like you gave up either.
The WAS, has to be very strong to "piece" with the LBS.
Not all of them can hack it. It is not an inclination that you did something wrong or could of done something more.
It is what it is.
If you can handle being her "friend" great. If not, set your boundaries. It is perfectly ok to do so You kind of have the upper hand here.
If you are uncomfortable with her flirting with you,again set a boundary.
You have every right to do so.
I would say for your benefit. If you CAN be her friend, and still maintain your expectations at zero. Then you are good to go.
If you are getting your hopes up, by her actions, maybe remove yourself from the friendship aspect of it, and keep it as business partners until you get on your feet.
Jersting, you are alot stronger than you think, and you will be just fine.
Vent away here, and you will be helped by amazing people on this forum. And you never know , who you may help in the process too.
Have a great weekend.
Lissett
Last edited by Lissie; 03/22/0808:19 PM.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
By the way, over here the first person to post to you gets a drink of choice from you..........
There are a great group of folks over here, many of whom started when we did in newcomers. You will find swashy, myself, tyson, Julie, and many others over here now.
The advice over here is great, and it is more directed at coping with the divorce and how to handle all of the emotions involved.
You have done great my friend, I have followed along with you over in piecing and I can tell you that from what I read, you did everything you could to make it work. You should be very proud of yourself for what you have accomplished. I have told you before, it is most important to save yourself than it is to save your marriage, if the marriage comes back, it should be icing, not the cake.
hey jersting)) I've seen your name through my times posting in separated and piecing, I'm sorry you've gotten here, but as my above friends in battle above told you, you've gone way and above the line of duty.
Same here with my H, now that the SA is almost done he even calls me by my pet name and is all fine and dandy, as if he isn't doing anything to our family, it blows my mind.
What I wouldnt' give that my H would have 1 inch of a spine like yours, the determination and the willingness to truly fight to the bitter end for the M.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Any thoughts out there on sex with the X? It seems like both of us are itching to hop into bed together but I am not sure if it is a good idea?
The ride is over. M 38 WAW 39 08/06 out to give WAW space Bomb 10/06 Back Home 2/07 New Bomb 4/17/07 WAW out 06/07 Trying again 09/07 Another Bomb 11/23/07 WAW moved back home 12/14/07 WAW moved back out 2/2/08 D 12 S 9
Can you treat it like a booty call, friends with benefits? That is, can you have sex w/your X with no expectations and w/out feeling like you've been used? Sit with those questions for a while...and pay attention to how you feel.
There are no "shoulds" in life, only what works for you.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Wow! I remember your name from when we hit "Separated" about the same time. Your wife really sounds confused. Yes, no, yes, well, no.
How much roller coaster can you take. it might be time to just bail. Easier said than done. As far as the booty call, FWB thing. Too confusing. Too much emotional drain. Ugh...
it'd confused the hell out of me and leave me shaken for once, it might (ok, it would def!) feel good at the time, I wonder how you'd feel a min. afterwards.
Be careful jest
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Any thoughts out there on sex with the X? It seems like both of us are itching to hop into bed together but I am not sure if it is a good idea?
Yes.... I have thoughts on this.... I would suggest going to C for a few months together before even thinking about sex..... If you two can really work things out, THEN ponder hittin' it....
By just jumping in the sack with ex, you are lower yourself to being just another number......
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
Hey J, here's the question that I would ask you. Would you be able to do this without having any emotions or feelings attached? Knowing you and what you and I have discussed in the past about your W, I don't think it would be simply "hittin it" to you.
