Totally lost and miserable

[buenosuerte]

If I could guess and know his logic i probably could have kept us together. probably more of his excuses, i have to work, i have to help my family, i have soccer, etc. etc. i'm trying to look at it from his end and he prob feels alot of pressure from me, gee look at the sitch and that's a no brainer.

I can go back to teaching for the 08/09 school year which means i have to do something i NEVER EVER wanted to do: put my girl in daycare, that was something we agreed to at one point in time. i don't really have to act cordial since we don't see or speak to one another at all. i think he confuses me and our d about the space.

since he has been an absent father, she doesn't know him and visitations go in my home where we used to live, he says he doesn't like that for the memories of where he used to live- my d is breast fed, will NOT take a bottle sippee cup, syringe or anything of breast milk unless it comes from my breast. GAL is mute to some point. we go jogging together, walk the mall, and that's about it, stay at home. i don't have any friends whatsoever. thinking about joining a church just to do it, not because i believe in god.

he's said some pretty messed up comments: like let me have a picture of our d so he can look at it and then maybe i'll start to miss her.

prob wants space to be free with no responsibilities, come/go as pleases, date just like we never existed.

i'm gonna have to bit my tongue pride all of it and beg his mother to watch or d, bcuz i have to go to court on 7april for me 1st xh, but i doubt she will watch her, she's illegal and wont come with me to the court so i can feed our d-i'll be gone about 4 hours, little long for my d to go without food. that may serve 2 purposes, me not postponing a court date and doing something dif.